I Enjoy Solitude
on the edge... After a period of time you convince your self that your better off alone.you remember that companionship is dramatized in movies and that without the impulse of being constantly self conscious you feel better about your self. you really don't need the approval or attention of judgement.In the end it never really mattered if you were part of something because everything that has a beginning has an end and at some point the group will part and venture into deep space.
Out of the blast radius is where id prefer to be but sometimes i find myself pulled inn one way or the other. Life has a way of dropping me in the center of it all.The grey sky that blankets the country lands, because of an extended winter, offers a sense of comfort.I always preferred the melancholic weather that broods. All i can do for the next year or two is wait and abide by the laws of daily life. I'm hoping for a way out of here soon. I figure i should head for Seattle.Although i feel as if my life is at a pause school failed to synchronize with it. Its a rushed year with more information then most kids are used to. Apparently the U.S. feels the need to force more information into our small minds in order to compete with foreigners.
Although the comfort of isolation has its perks, it sometimes strikes with a vengeance and a venomous sting. A kind of emptiness soon drags your state of mind, and even though you don't need a social life you want to have a taste of it. To go out under the dark of the night with "friends", be young and reckless, do whats expected of you (something stupid) and lose your self in a haze of narcotics. I always preferred to fade myself in my room alone, sheltered from the hostile world of the outside. Then there are nights when you find your self insomniac and cant help but feel there's a menacing being in the white corner of your room poised to strike.Its intimidating. The malice of its lifeless black eyes are enough for my imagination to provide 'it' with power. The power of fear. in the depth of the dark voids are the answers im incapable of understanding. its why i always sleep under the covers even if it is suffocating.(also why i keep my lava lamps on)
Then theres the static white noise you cant avoid in the hallways of school. I dislike all of them. not enough for hate, only a discomforting feeling of being watched. If i could afford it id be home schooled.
My fellow students are too focused on the social bubble they feel they are entitled to.Feeling rebellious once in a while a few will fake a high for either approval or attention. I know that just three trizodoms aren't enough for a sufficient high. There are a few lost and confused students out there who smoke or pop as a desperate attempt of gaining the attention they never got.Pity.I like to think of most of those situations as a mutual indifference between them and me.im not like them i never do anything comprising in school because only attention starved idiots ever risk it all on a daily basis.They want to be caught, i don't.
There are the teachers who push for studying when they themselves at our age never did.Hypocrites.
The "hipsters" who try too hard to convey themselves as...."hipsters".
The scene groups, which have no real purpose. when i asked, because i was interested, said they didnt hate life or do drugs or cut themselves or do what most scene type are expected to do witch is good but misleading.
There are janitors who live with petty envy of the students.
The ones in charge who were bullied when they were younger.
Its the same in every school, the social higherarchy rules all.
It sometimes is nice to avoid it all in the library and lose myself in a mind numbing and life escaping book.
Out of the blast radius is where id prefer to be but sometimes i find myself pulled inn one way or the other. Life has a way of dropping me in the center of it all.The grey sky that blankets the country lands, because of an extended winter, offers a sense of comfort.I always preferred the melancholic weather that broods. All i can do for the next year or two is wait and abide by the laws of daily life. I'm hoping for a way out of here soon. I figure i should head for Seattle.Although i feel as if my life is at a pause school failed to synchronize with it. Its a rushed year with more information then most kids are used to. Apparently the U.S. feels the need to force more information into our small minds in order to compete with foreigners.
Although the comfort of isolation has its perks, it sometimes strikes with a vengeance and a venomous sting. A kind of emptiness soon drags your state of mind, and even though you don't need a social life you want to have a taste of it. To go out under the dark of the night with "friends", be young and reckless, do whats expected of you (something stupid) and lose your self in a haze of narcotics. I always preferred to fade myself in my room alone, sheltered from the hostile world of the outside. Then there are nights when you find your self insomniac and cant help but feel there's a menacing being in the white corner of your room poised to strike.Its intimidating. The malice of its lifeless black eyes are enough for my imagination to provide 'it' with power. The power of fear. in the depth of the dark voids are the answers im incapable of understanding. its why i always sleep under the covers even if it is suffocating.(also why i keep my lava lamps on)
Then theres the static white noise you cant avoid in the hallways of school. I dislike all of them. not enough for hate, only a discomforting feeling of being watched. If i could afford it id be home schooled.
My fellow students are too focused on the social bubble they feel they are entitled to.Feeling rebellious once in a while a few will fake a high for either approval or attention. I know that just three trizodoms aren't enough for a sufficient high. There are a few lost and confused students out there who smoke or pop as a desperate attempt of gaining the attention they never got.Pity.I like to think of most of those situations as a mutual indifference between them and me.im not like them i never do anything comprising in school because only attention starved idiots ever risk it all on a daily basis.They want to be caught, i don't.
There are the teachers who push for studying when they themselves at our age never did.Hypocrites.
The "hipsters" who try too hard to convey themselves as...."hipsters".
The scene groups, which have no real purpose. when i asked, because i was interested, said they didnt hate life or do drugs or cut themselves or do what most scene type are expected to do witch is good but misleading.
There are janitors who live with petty envy of the students.
The ones in charge who were bullied when they were younger.
Its the same in every school, the social higherarchy rules all.
It sometimes is nice to avoid it all in the library and lose myself in a mind numbing and life escaping book.
26-30, M