I Battle Insecurity

Im gonna Write this shit bro, cause it's important. I am fucked up on alcohol , but shit, that's not important. What's important is the Message, from the KIng. It's a long drunken rant, but I hope you will read it.

Bro, the viking culture, it had one premise. The Warriors, they could not die in a dishonorable way. This is important to understand. The worst thing for a viking, was dying in his bed. From depression or disease, the only honorable way, was dying With sword in hand. Like a true Warrior. this all got lost in this modern day and age.

I understrand this wisdom, I understand the folly of being a "Coward", I would much rather go Down With sword in hand, than die, like a fool, in my bed. I went out today. To meet People, to face real life. To get slaughtered, to get killed, to feel. I am tired, tired of my own cowardice, tired of pussing out. Tired of standing on the sideline. I would much rather die glorious, than die a Coward. I would much rather get destroyed by life, than slowly bleeding to Death in a storm of loneliness. There is nothing to be gained by not charging fourth and facing life, nothing.

I do not care if People do not like me, I would much rather get a punch in the face than being a Coward. I went out today, I would much rather get rejected by every woman in the city than end up like the fucktards on this site in their 40's and 50's sending creepy Messages to the 19 year olds on this site. I have been doing the Wim Hof Method of Cold and breathing theraphy for 2 weeks now. It helps, cause now, we are all pussies, and Wim Hof knows this. I turn on the Cold in the shower and step in, the pain, it's so excillerating. It makes you feel alive, it makes Your system of anxiety, feel much better - more calm. You should try it. The Cold, the pain, it makes you feel - you understand? It glorifies Your soul.

But whaterevr, what's important is what the fuck went Down tonight. What happened, when I decided to charge into the unknown, to die fightin, rather than die, like a Coward in cyperspace. Wasting my life, discussing politics and fucking With retards over insignifaicant questions.

I told myself, tonight you are going out, With ONLY yourself, what happens is insignificant, you are already dead. charge fourth you pussy.

So that's what the fuck I did. From nothing to something, that is glorious. that is something, you need nothing, you have yourself. whatever else matters little.

I went out to this one Club, showed them my ID, got told I was 30 years old and this is a Club for 18-25 year olds. I fucked of from that Place, butthurt, but still - alive.

I went to another Place, ordered a drink, did not approach anyone. Pussed out like a Coward. Bounch a teens in this Place.

Went to yet another Place. Got some eye contact With an older lady flirting With me. Pussed out again.

Tried bumming a cigarette from some hot chicks. none of them smoked, shit motherfucker - im just getting slaughtered here.

BUmmed a cigarette from some older chick outside the Club, said nothing. Found some courage. Saw a hot Ebony chick With a tatoo.

approached and Asked the hot chich With a tatoo where she had got her tatoo and how much it cost her. She laughed and said "you just said this to talk to me, but it's ok, you are hot". Talked a little bit With her. Her friend kept giving me the finger as a "joke" but I just shrugged it off as funny. After talking to her for a bit, I said "i think you want to spend some time With Your friend.... It was fun talking to you but im gonna leave you too alone" - than she was like you are so funny etc. I said "you have very beautifull dark skin" - "she laughed really hard and told me to add her on facebook, I was like ok and fetched my phone, got her phonenumber and left.

Went to some fag Club had a fun night With one girl and this one guy, ended up With the number of the guy. Was really fun. I think the girl wanted us both....

It was someting mark, living life, just dragging my own ass out of my room - Meeting life, not giving a fuck. Meeting People, making something social happen. getting numbers and facebook shit.

I am gonna do this more, face life, putting myself out there. Being alive. that's whats important. It's better to get like slaughtered once or twice or many times than die, to the slow decay of time. wondering what could have been, wasting potential, letting fear, hold you as a captive, letting insecurity rule Your life, as "satan" holding you in a prison, potentially Your entire life.

I faced my fight, and I will do it again, cause a Coward dies a thousand time, but a Warrior, only once. Remember that Mark, only ONCE!

Do all the other guys treat you really bad? Maybe you should try some martial arts if you are timid around other people. Don't you have like a romantic partner who you can confide in when Things get emotionally hard?

You are brilliant at times. But yeah, I honestly don't have my life together and failing hardcore at this game we call life BUT what I say is how I view you and how I feel is truth. You will over come this.

awwww...

Just hang in there, you will become strong and confident in time. Everybody had insecurity to deal With. it's just part of life :)

Strength comes from knowing. It is the unknown that frightens us. It cripples our resolve so we naively cling to hope. You know so much about yourself and the inner turmoil that you feel. So look for the solution. And leave the past and the problem behind.