I Feel Empty Inside

My life never made sense. I never felt really happy, I just had happy moments that lasted not too long... My happiness fade away too fast... I never really knew what It was to be happy, to feel complete.... My life bores me as hell and it sickens me. Idk what to do anymore... I'm different... Compared to my friends. I'd rather stay home, sleeping, being boring than going to a party and having fun. And well, it's not that I don't like having fun, but I think I'm just so used to be alone... So I guess I'm just okay with being by myself even when it saddens me. I do things that don't make me happy, I prevent myself from being happy... I don't take risks and I'm just constantly living with fear of rejection, with fear of judged, with fear of being ridiculized... Most of the time, I feel okay, not good or bad... I'm just okay bc I feel safe bc I never leave my comfort zone and that's just boring and sad. My life won't ever get any better if I continue living like this. Always in fear, always afraid of danger... Always in my comfort zone, unwilling to leave it, just to feel safe... But never happy.

I'm tired of my situation. I won't make friends by myself, I won't be in a relationship if I keep acting like this. I have friends, but most of the time, it's been bc people were nice so I didn't feel scared. And well, when a guy seemed romantically interested in me... If I liked him, I always ran away bc I never felt good enough for them... Even if they showed some signs... I always doubted and questioned their intentions and thought that maybe I was just mistaking what they felt for me. I never got close to them bc I thought I was wrong and that me liking them was just pathetic... And I know is lost so many chances in life. Life hasn't been unfair with me, life's been good to me... I've just been stupid, really stupid for not being able to man up. For not being myself. For not being brave enough. I'm weak...

imacloset · F

I could be wrong, but reading this post made me come up with a solution. You might be a little confused with life and what you want out of life. But yet, you have an idea of what you need, but your afraid of being tormented emotionally, what I mean is your afraid of getting hurt. Maybe when you were growing up you didn't have stability in your life. Maybe your parents were either too over protective, or they neglected you.

As far as feeling stupid, that could be coming from your past probably your family at home called names, or at your school, maybe that's what you feel your about. Try thinking of yourself as a better person don't think any less of yourself. I'm sure you have a lot of good qualities in you, but you could be afraid to express them. Don't worry what other people think just be you. Take the chance express yourself, besides what can you lose? Nothing, but you can gain self courage that at least you have tried.

Also, maybe you might have social anxiety try and look that up maybe that might help. I hope you can look at things a little better, rather I should say, "I hope it gets better for you." Good luck..