I Feel Frustrated
I constantly feel like there's something wrong with me for putting "truth" high up in my value system, instead of just saying whatever's convenient in the moment. I constantly feel like there's something wrong with me for wanting depth and meaning, rather than humor and face-value wisdom. And I especially constantly feel like there's something wrong with me for putting personal growth above kindness-at-all-costs, and choosing to take the risk of challenging people's perspectives.
Say whatever's nice, and whatever the standard social convention of the area tells you to say. Post crowd pleasing, funny things, and one liners, and pictures of your food. Give someone a hug and tell them that they're perfect just the way they are, even when they're going down a self destructive path. Don't point out a better path or challenge that person to grow, just accept them - because love means accepting everyone and never judging anyone, all the time, no matter what, right?
There was a time when telling someone the truth, challenging them, telling them the things that they didn't want to hear, and talking to them about the deeper parts of yourself was what real friendship was - it was what you would expect from a true friend. And I feel like there's a level on which those values are still there - TV shows still portray it that way almost every time. TV execs aren't stupid (well, in some areas they are - but they're friggin geniuses at doing focus groups and figuring out what people want to see). So I feel like on some level, so many of us want that kind of authenticity and depth.
But I feel like the inauthentic, messed up "real world" has beaten it out of us, and made us all settle on this utter mess that we find ourselves in. And in order to live in the midst of the mess, we trick ourselves into thinking that the mess is actually a good thing. We tell ourselves that our shallow pseudo-connections and pseudo-communities are how things should be, and we start looking down on real authenticity. And then the next generation grows up in that same pile of shit, having the truth beaten out of them until white lies flow out of them as easily as breath. As easily as blood from a wound.
And I feel like I'm one of the few people with the right combination of independent thought, isolation, and wisdom to be able to see it for what it is. It's like, I'm either the wise man up on the mountain that nobody's listening to, or the madman raving in his shack in the woods, shitting all over himself as he babbles incoherently. And whether I'm the wise man, the raving loon, or anything in between - my experience has been that most people see me as the latter a lot more than the former.
Say whatever's nice, and whatever the standard social convention of the area tells you to say. Post crowd pleasing, funny things, and one liners, and pictures of your food. Give someone a hug and tell them that they're perfect just the way they are, even when they're going down a self destructive path. Don't point out a better path or challenge that person to grow, just accept them - because love means accepting everyone and never judging anyone, all the time, no matter what, right?
There was a time when telling someone the truth, challenging them, telling them the things that they didn't want to hear, and talking to them about the deeper parts of yourself was what real friendship was - it was what you would expect from a true friend. And I feel like there's a level on which those values are still there - TV shows still portray it that way almost every time. TV execs aren't stupid (well, in some areas they are - but they're friggin geniuses at doing focus groups and figuring out what people want to see). So I feel like on some level, so many of us want that kind of authenticity and depth.
But I feel like the inauthentic, messed up "real world" has beaten it out of us, and made us all settle on this utter mess that we find ourselves in. And in order to live in the midst of the mess, we trick ourselves into thinking that the mess is actually a good thing. We tell ourselves that our shallow pseudo-connections and pseudo-communities are how things should be, and we start looking down on real authenticity. And then the next generation grows up in that same pile of shit, having the truth beaten out of them until white lies flow out of them as easily as breath. As easily as blood from a wound.
And I feel like I'm one of the few people with the right combination of independent thought, isolation, and wisdom to be able to see it for what it is. It's like, I'm either the wise man up on the mountain that nobody's listening to, or the madman raving in his shack in the woods, shitting all over himself as he babbles incoherently. And whether I'm the wise man, the raving loon, or anything in between - my experience has been that most people see me as the latter a lot more than the former.
