I Say Im Fine But Im Hurting Inside

Even now after so long when I saw the city where I came back after reaching here I still have these tears that come out only when I'm alone even now after so long after months I still feel so alone and I like being alone now better than interacting with people actually it gives me time to think and even though I try to stay happy after a long week every weekend I cry in a corner thinking what went wrong and I know that the day she said no a part of me died the day she left another part of me died and now I feel new and the old me is deep down buried somewhere that no1 can reach not even me I still live playing so much I live in fallout 4 and I breath here that world or any virtual world that allows me to escape is what I make my reality and this world feels so empty and lonely now that the virtual world feels like my home even now after so long these tears never stop and the study stress gets the better of me I try and try to study I'm able to a bit but still the old me that was so determined to get whatever I loved or cared for now I'm just hollow with a broken beating heart that somehow doesn't allow me to peacefully live that part of her in my mind those memories that scent of her when she hugged me the look when I saw her and I lived in those beautiful eyes now everything's changed the world feels empty more like losing its colours music and games and college is probably the reason I'm here otherwise I don't know sometimes I feel why did I wake up to see this day why didn't I just sleep and just wake up when I change when I get the old me back but I guess its not possible now going that deep down alone in my mind to find the old me is so tough now that I've started to embrace my new life my new things without her I hope someday I come back and I see all the colours in the world the beauty of it I just hope because slowly hope deteriorates and I wish I don't see the day when I lose all hope