I Still Miss You And I Always Will
Still
I loved being the ob<x>ject of your affection. You were so good at it. It made me feel special, important, and loved.
I loved that you paid such close attention.
I loved your immediate response to any thing I sent and if you couldn't you were apologizing and giving me a good reason and I didn't even ask for it. You gave me everything you could from so far away. You paid attention to me. I felt cherished.
I loved that I knew what your day was like everyday. I knew the things you liked and didn't like.
Christmas last year was so wonderful. We couldn't spend it together but you kept me company by talking and keeping in touch daily. I felt so confident to just call anytime I wanted to say hello, or tell you I loved you, or just tell you about my day. We shared the highs and lows of the season. We were together. I had someone. We had each other.
It's as if someone special has died. It's not the same at all but the grieving part makes me feel that way. Each time I go through something this year without you, I remember what it was like last year with you. It hit me fresh this morning. I walked into the hospital after a couple days off and it's beautiful and decorated. Christmas music has started to play continuously on the radio and I listened eagerly with anticipation. I love listening to Christmas music all the time during this time of the year. I was so happy this time last year. It was literally the best year of my life. I truly believed in us. I thought it would work. I imagined actually seeing you for Christmas. You celebrated with your family at your cabin last year and I had hoped to be part of that someday. I imagined meeting your mother and telling her that I prayed for her and you when you were far away from home and you thought she might not live. I wanted to meet your sons and for you to meet mine. He was fascinated by the things I told him about you. He was open to the idea of you and I together, unlike his sisters. Mostly I think he saw how happy I was.
I wished I could have shown you where I work and have you meet some work friends. I wished I could have gone to church with you. I wanted to come home from work to you. I guess I actually did that one time on our first date. I really wanted to send you off to work, make you a healthy lunch and pray over you before you left for you and your passengers safety. I wanted to welcome you home after a long trip.
You spent the entirety of our relationship convincing me how special I was. You told me all the reasons why and how it would work. I believed you. I believed in us. I was comfortable. I knew I could count on you. I was certain of how you felt about me. Now I question whether or not it was real. You felt like an imaginary boyfriend and just as soon as you were becoming a real boyfriend you disappeared. You quite literally pulled the rug out from under me and I bumped my head against the wall and then for another bounce to the concrete floor. You wrote our story carefully and thoughtfully and then threw all the pages up in the air to be scattered in the wind.
You may have been stressed. It was a very stressful time in your life. The fact is you found someone else you liked better. After being made to feel so special the way you did for me, that's a hard pill to swallow. We had obstacles but you gave up before we really had the chance to face them. I never had a chance at all.
The end of our story sucks. All the audience agrees. I am requesting a rewrite. Go back to the drawing board handsome man. Grab your best fishing pole, I am a great catch. I'm trying to swim away but I can't seem to make my way. It's not as easy for me fall in love with another. You really had me hooked, my heart was set on you.
I loved being the ob<x>ject of your affection. You were so good at it. It made me feel special, important, and loved.
I loved that you paid such close attention.
I loved your immediate response to any thing I sent and if you couldn't you were apologizing and giving me a good reason and I didn't even ask for it. You gave me everything you could from so far away. You paid attention to me. I felt cherished.
I loved that I knew what your day was like everyday. I knew the things you liked and didn't like.
Christmas last year was so wonderful. We couldn't spend it together but you kept me company by talking and keeping in touch daily. I felt so confident to just call anytime I wanted to say hello, or tell you I loved you, or just tell you about my day. We shared the highs and lows of the season. We were together. I had someone. We had each other.
It's as if someone special has died. It's not the same at all but the grieving part makes me feel that way. Each time I go through something this year without you, I remember what it was like last year with you. It hit me fresh this morning. I walked into the hospital after a couple days off and it's beautiful and decorated. Christmas music has started to play continuously on the radio and I listened eagerly with anticipation. I love listening to Christmas music all the time during this time of the year. I was so happy this time last year. It was literally the best year of my life. I truly believed in us. I thought it would work. I imagined actually seeing you for Christmas. You celebrated with your family at your cabin last year and I had hoped to be part of that someday. I imagined meeting your mother and telling her that I prayed for her and you when you were far away from home and you thought she might not live. I wanted to meet your sons and for you to meet mine. He was fascinated by the things I told him about you. He was open to the idea of you and I together, unlike his sisters. Mostly I think he saw how happy I was.
I wished I could have shown you where I work and have you meet some work friends. I wished I could have gone to church with you. I wanted to come home from work to you. I guess I actually did that one time on our first date. I really wanted to send you off to work, make you a healthy lunch and pray over you before you left for you and your passengers safety. I wanted to welcome you home after a long trip.
You spent the entirety of our relationship convincing me how special I was. You told me all the reasons why and how it would work. I believed you. I believed in us. I was comfortable. I knew I could count on you. I was certain of how you felt about me. Now I question whether or not it was real. You felt like an imaginary boyfriend and just as soon as you were becoming a real boyfriend you disappeared. You quite literally pulled the rug out from under me and I bumped my head against the wall and then for another bounce to the concrete floor. You wrote our story carefully and thoughtfully and then threw all the pages up in the air to be scattered in the wind.
You may have been stressed. It was a very stressful time in your life. The fact is you found someone else you liked better. After being made to feel so special the way you did for me, that's a hard pill to swallow. We had obstacles but you gave up before we really had the chance to face them. I never had a chance at all.
The end of our story sucks. All the audience agrees. I am requesting a rewrite. Go back to the drawing board handsome man. Grab your best fishing pole, I am a great catch. I'm trying to swim away but I can't seem to make my way. It's not as easy for me fall in love with another. You really had me hooked, my heart was set on you.
51-55, F
