Nightmares.

I’m a little fried and toasted where I can be brutally raw for a minute. Talking with an old friend on here and kinda catching up. They kinda didn’t know that I had a miscarriage back in February of this year. Ever since that month when I lost the baby I spoke of how I had nightmares from that night. Still to the day I do and I have a terrible time trying to get to sleep. It’s hard. My therapist and doctor asked me how I’ve been with sleep. Sometimes I get 5. Sometimes if I’m lucky and I don’t dream at all I can get to about 6 hrs. It’s been a long time since I could say ‘I slept really good!’ I still get woken up and I stay up and listen to music to try and help and hit my oil pen.

I wish I could get a full 8 hrs. Everyday when I get off work I come home and I sleep or as I tell my mom ‘I’m gonna nap.’ I’ll feel refreshed cause during the day I don’t get terrorized in my sleep. Tonight I’m taking some shots of rum and hitting my oil pen to help relax me. My doctor finally put me on some antidepressants and prescribed Zoloft to me. Starting me off with half a pill then working my way up to the whole pill.

I’ve been going through a lot of crap but I stay as strong as I possibly can. The only time I am able to really put my armor down is when I just come straight to my room, away from everyone seeing me break down and just sob. Cry myself to sleep sometimes and just hope I can at least try and get some rest where I am not dragging myself through my day like a zombie. Just have to remind myself that it’s not forever, this pain. That eventually I’ll make it.