I Think A True Connection Is Rare

Are you saying that to be comet Ely vulnerable and emotional intimate with another human being is somehow unhealthy? We all know good things end. Peoe have to leave sometimes for many reasons or even die. Is that reason to remain emotionally distant and unconnected. I think the thing is being able to say yes I can live without you, but I really do t want to. I love chocolate ice cream but wo t give it i p because one day I may not be able to get it. If you live one day at a time, in the present and always remember everything in life has a beginning and an end. Sure you may lose and it will hirt badly but you don't stop living. There is no reason to be emotionally constipated unless you are emotionally immature or very unwell. Relationships, especially the really close rewarding one are what make life worth while. Love without fear or it is not love.

@Temperance: I'm saying that if you become one with another person, when they leave by whatever means, you become half. Or less.

Yes, but I doubt your existence would depend on chocolate ice cream or that you would be overly reliant on ice cream.

Regardless, it's much more secure to avoid such things. You can choose to crash on the roller coaster if you like, but I'll be watching from the neutral ground saying I told you so.

@ColdPenguin: i have crashed and lost a lot of times. I have also won and grown from rose relationships and would not be who I am or care the way I do without the closeness and love I recieved. I would not change a thing. I will never be able to become one with anyone however as I am a whole human being on my own. My wholeness allows me to get so close and lack the self protective ess so many others suffer from. I see that as sad. You must be whole to truly connect with anyone. Maybe a few good years of therapy could help if that is your case, not saying it is mind you. I honestly don't know you.

@Temperance: Well, I think it's easier for women, as they are more self-preservationists. Women get over that kind of thing easier, as they still maintain their self-importance in such a relationship; whereas, men, under proper circumstances, place more value on the woman than themselves.

I do not require therapy, thank you; I have logic. Simply because I do not subscribe to your specific ideology on healthy relationships does not mean there is anything "wrong" with me. I would much rather choose stability rather than instability.

@ColdPenguin: you raise an interesting point, and I recognize how differently men and women use their thought processes and emotions. I am not sure what you meant by maintaining self importance. I also was not speaking of just romantic relationships. Friendships between any two people can be very close and mutually rewarding. I have noticed it seems to be easier for women to be "just close friends" with males than the other way around. It seems to be perhaps due to one of our basic differences in how we experience intimacy. A thing too many people do not understand. We are also socialized far differently even today which I find sad. Men can and should not only feel but be free to express their emotions freely and get emotional support. Women can be smart and strong and are quite capable of using logic. Admittedly due to higher fluctuatuations in hormones we at time may seem irrational to men. Be careful to watch us over a longer period of time then a male to understand us.

That's your choice, you can guard yourself against those connections, but by doing so you are also missing out on something that can be beautiful. Yes, sometimes those connections end for a variety of reasons, but it doesn't leave you as half, it leaves you feeling richer for having known them and thankful for what you shared.

@diablesse: well said.