I Want A Mentor For My Misbehavior
I do not have a mentor now, but I have been mentored by a nice gentleman before. Here is my confession of what I have not done well when I receive my mentoring and hope this would provide a basis for fellow EP members who are mentors, mentees or the mentors-to-be & mentees-to-be to perfect their mentoring experience (or to consider whether you are ready for mentoring).
Please note that I am focusing on mentoring relationships that focuses on GROWTH of the mentees, not the "mentoring games" that some people play for their gratifications.
Since my mentor and me is 7 time zones apart, the mentoring is being done online through email. In the design, I will report what I have done wrong, and he will tell me the punishment tasks that I need to undertake. My mentor is a very kind person and is understanding and considerate. He does not simply provide guidance and sentences, but also providing advice on I can tackle things happened in life.
However, I am particularly bad as I might walk away for months without reporting my wrongdoings (and just tell him that I am fine with all things). Also, in the midst of a recent mentoring programme that was expected to last for months, I walked away mid-course, not replying email and even cancelling the email account so that he cannot contact me anymore. I take online relationship for real, and when I recount what I have done, I really feel bad about myself and consider myself undeserved for any more help from the mentor.
Commitment is the most serious problem. When I just walk away without replying my mentor's email, I just have my own autonomy in mind. I have forgotten that I have to keep my promises and be responsible in the relationship. Besides, I have not considered that having a mentoring programme devised would mean commitment from both sides. In short, I am selfish and not thinking enough for my mentor.
Second, honesty is a problem to me. I did not report all my wrongdoings, especially the relapses, to avoid punishments. I just tried to find a way to escape as far as I can. I have not paid attention to the benefits of setting up such a punishment / mentoring system at the beginning. I am also dishonest.
Third, allowing emotion to control me is a problem. I feel depressed from time to time, and would stay away from almost everything when my mood is not okay. I have made no attempt to keep things going (a bit is better than nothing) when my mood drives me away from everything. This is also the reason that I cannot realize my potential, and my reason of needing a mentor in the first place.
Fourth, priority matters. During some parts in the midst of the above mentoring programme, I suddenly have an increase in workload. As such, I know that I will not be able to meet all the requirements. (This is a lie, I know. I can always make rooms for things if I really want.) I have not considered that it is absolutely necessary to honor my words. I thought that I should have absolute control on my priority, and I even did not discuss with my mentor about that. Paradoxically, the reason for setting up the programme is my lack of self-discipline and my poor time management.
Lastly, pure motives are important. I admit that I do not have a pure motive at the beginning. Although I consider my growth as the major outcome from the mentoring relationship, I also consider mentoring is "fun" and secretly I enjoy being punished. My mentor also notice me, and instructs me that mentoring is about behaving well and not to be punish, but not about being punished. I think this is a real problem of me. I must not consider mentoring as an amusement.
In short, commitment, honest and transparency, self-control including emotion, priority, and purity of motives are the things that I have found to have affected my mentoring experience. But they are usually the growth areas that trigger mentee-to-be to seek help in the first place.
I am quite sure that I have disappointed my mentor much. I also do not think that I am ready for another mentor until I can find ways to solve the problems above, at least a bit, for the mentoring process to work.
Don't take it wrong - This is not a "punishment essay" that I am ordered to write. I am just trying to state the possible problems on the mentee side that we have to consider when we are going to start a mentor-mentee relationship.
Please note that I am focusing on mentoring relationships that focuses on GROWTH of the mentees, not the "mentoring games" that some people play for their gratifications.
Since my mentor and me is 7 time zones apart, the mentoring is being done online through email. In the design, I will report what I have done wrong, and he will tell me the punishment tasks that I need to undertake. My mentor is a very kind person and is understanding and considerate. He does not simply provide guidance and sentences, but also providing advice on I can tackle things happened in life.
However, I am particularly bad as I might walk away for months without reporting my wrongdoings (and just tell him that I am fine with all things). Also, in the midst of a recent mentoring programme that was expected to last for months, I walked away mid-course, not replying email and even cancelling the email account so that he cannot contact me anymore. I take online relationship for real, and when I recount what I have done, I really feel bad about myself and consider myself undeserved for any more help from the mentor.
Commitment is the most serious problem. When I just walk away without replying my mentor's email, I just have my own autonomy in mind. I have forgotten that I have to keep my promises and be responsible in the relationship. Besides, I have not considered that having a mentoring programme devised would mean commitment from both sides. In short, I am selfish and not thinking enough for my mentor.
Second, honesty is a problem to me. I did not report all my wrongdoings, especially the relapses, to avoid punishments. I just tried to find a way to escape as far as I can. I have not paid attention to the benefits of setting up such a punishment / mentoring system at the beginning. I am also dishonest.
Third, allowing emotion to control me is a problem. I feel depressed from time to time, and would stay away from almost everything when my mood is not okay. I have made no attempt to keep things going (a bit is better than nothing) when my mood drives me away from everything. This is also the reason that I cannot realize my potential, and my reason of needing a mentor in the first place.
Fourth, priority matters. During some parts in the midst of the above mentoring programme, I suddenly have an increase in workload. As such, I know that I will not be able to meet all the requirements. (This is a lie, I know. I can always make rooms for things if I really want.) I have not considered that it is absolutely necessary to honor my words. I thought that I should have absolute control on my priority, and I even did not discuss with my mentor about that. Paradoxically, the reason for setting up the programme is my lack of self-discipline and my poor time management.
Lastly, pure motives are important. I admit that I do not have a pure motive at the beginning. Although I consider my growth as the major outcome from the mentoring relationship, I also consider mentoring is "fun" and secretly I enjoy being punished. My mentor also notice me, and instructs me that mentoring is about behaving well and not to be punish, but not about being punished. I think this is a real problem of me. I must not consider mentoring as an amusement.
In short, commitment, honest and transparency, self-control including emotion, priority, and purity of motives are the things that I have found to have affected my mentoring experience. But they are usually the growth areas that trigger mentee-to-be to seek help in the first place.
I am quite sure that I have disappointed my mentor much. I also do not think that I am ready for another mentor until I can find ways to solve the problems above, at least a bit, for the mentoring process to work.
Don't take it wrong - This is not a "punishment essay" that I am ordered to write. I am just trying to state the possible problems on the mentee side that we have to consider when we are going to start a mentor-mentee relationship.
