I remember a childhood filled with doubt, fear, and father that led the way to my hell... I remember how you came along and saved me from it all. I remember that I couldn't save you. But in your eyes I found God. Even through the worst of it all.... You were my reasons. But now your gone and it feels like God has left with you. All the sleepless nights and the nightmarish dreams that always start off with a fond recollection. Twisting and turning it all to dust right in front of my waking eyes. Yet there you are just at the corner of my vision and when I turn to look you're just not there. I hear your voice like whispers in the wind and I can't make out the words. Daggers of pain bring to me my sorrows in the darkness of the night. Memories like cloth wrapped too tightly around me. Dragging me back to years that seem like mist and shadow.
I don't know, kid. I just miss you so bad so often, and sometimes..., sometimes it just so hard to breathe. There's a hole inside that nothing ever fills and I just want it to be filled, but there's nothing that can fill it. I go through all the cycles but acceptance. After all these years..., I just can't find any ways to understand or to regain the control. It's just all gone. Like God..., Like you.