I Fell In Love And It's Destroying Me

I've been forever in love with this guy that lives up the street from me. We used to hangout when I first moved into the neighborhood & naturally he became like an older brother to me. Once all the older kids started middle school we also drifted until I started high school we had this on/off sort of friends thing going on. I didn't mind in the beginning, but after one of his relationships ended I started to feel as though he was messing me. Yeah we flirted each time he became single, but I never knew if he was being as serious as I was. I used to looked up to him until high school when we hung out one night at the park & I don't know something just clicked. I wanted to tell him right after that night, but surprise he's in a relationship. It was after I got into trouble & out of nowhere he shows up to help out & on the way to school I was so sure I was finally ready to tell him how I felt, but again surprise he had a girlfriend. Not that it would have mattered because somewhere in the conversation I said something that might have made him hate me & after what he told me about his past I felt insanely awful. So I had decided to just forget about my feelings & get over him....nope didn't work, so I decided that girlfriend or not I absolutely had to tell him. Not happening now he now has a kid with said girlfriend. It's really killing me. If we weren't living so close I could probably get over him.