I Am So Tired of Hurting and Being Sad
So, I Simply Will Not Be.... I have helped others throughout my life. I have listened to their heartbreaking stories, and helped them along their paths to understanding, love, compassion and happiness - without a second thought. Then the whirlwind came to a halt, and threw me out somewhere unknown: the end of University.
I was utterly miserable, with nothing, and a girl who was insistent that certain things were part of her life - e.g. computer games. Silly girl, she knows it now but hey.
So, few friends left, no job, girlfriend left, I had little left, but my family still loved me. My boss also constantly put me down, where I thought I was working hard and learning about cutting edge things the likes of which we need to keep finding in our line of work.
I Hurt.
For a Long Time.
Now, however, I'm done with hurting. I'm done with being lazy and lethargic. I've done with making mistakes, like living in a city when commuting to rural work takes the rest out of my salary so I can't afford to do anything in town. I've had it with living alone, that I have no money for even a hot sandwich once a month, let alone going swimming or playing badminton. I've had it with sitting under my boss, and accepting everything he says. I've had it with screwing up, where the one I love is concerned.
Now, I'm up for moderation. I'm up for doing some of everything. Some washing up, some cooking, some reading, some running, some cleaning, some cycling, some selling off of old things I don't like/need anymore, some moving someone else into my house.
This way, I can show that I am fighting for my life, and for the love of my lover. This is the only way, as long as I include the constant reminders that everything depends on other things that caused it; and insight. These things I will begin now, as a new chapter in my life.
I was utterly miserable, with nothing, and a girl who was insistent that certain things were part of her life - e.g. computer games. Silly girl, she knows it now but hey.
So, few friends left, no job, girlfriend left, I had little left, but my family still loved me. My boss also constantly put me down, where I thought I was working hard and learning about cutting edge things the likes of which we need to keep finding in our line of work.
I Hurt.
For a Long Time.
Now, however, I'm done with hurting. I'm done with being lazy and lethargic. I've done with making mistakes, like living in a city when commuting to rural work takes the rest out of my salary so I can't afford to do anything in town. I've had it with living alone, that I have no money for even a hot sandwich once a month, let alone going swimming or playing badminton. I've had it with sitting under my boss, and accepting everything he says. I've had it with screwing up, where the one I love is concerned.
Now, I'm up for moderation. I'm up for doing some of everything. Some washing up, some cooking, some reading, some running, some cleaning, some cycling, some selling off of old things I don't like/need anymore, some moving someone else into my house.
This way, I can show that I am fighting for my life, and for the love of my lover. This is the only way, as long as I include the constant reminders that everything depends on other things that caused it; and insight. These things I will begin now, as a new chapter in my life.
36-40, M