they said im lying because i have a personality disorder..

sunday things were getting really bad and i wanted to kill myself so i decided i was going to go to the mental hospital(were i was there for 68 days before) after my little brothers birthday party then a friend ask me to drop off some cigarettes for him there so i did and told someone im going to get an assessment tomorow well later that night things got really bad and i just said fuck it and took 20 Benadryl soft gels(its all i had) and cut myself to the point i needed stitches and the meds made me hallucinate and twitch severely obviously i didnt die and when the program im with went to drop off my meds that morning they took me to the ER to get stitches the ER did ask if i was looking for in patient i said im already going later after my little brothers birthday party they claimed i said no im not suicidal but i dont remember being asked..so i went back to the mental hospital to get an assessment and they said this was all planned and im trying to manipulate them, no one asked me if i tried to kill myself last night so i never thought to say anything so when i only told the mental hospital they said i must be lying and how if i was really going to do it i would of came there from the ER and not go see my little brother and that just shows im not serious i begged and begged please im going to kill myself and he said ive worked with people with personality disorders before i know this all is a manipulation tactic and i need state help but what about right now? i need help until i go to state im scared i will kill myself i told him what if i leave and go kill myself and he said i know you wont and they made me leave i come back today and its the same thing how i planned to be suicidal and none of this adds up and i need to be working with my program to get better it doesnt matter if im honestly feel like im going to do it i need to learn copping skills