I Want To Share How I Feel Today
WARNING: FULL OF WHINY CONTENT. DON'T RISK READING IF YOU'RE A POMPOUS STRONG-ASS ADULT WHO DOESN'T LIKE PROBLEMS.
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Okay so it's my mom. She's an awesome genie who's a university professor, works eight to two six days a week, and comes home and cooks for our family of six. We can't hire a housekeeper for personal and financial reasons. She wants the best for her kids.
But she's very controlling. At some point it just becomes intolerable. Call me thankless, but you won't tolerate a controlling person for even a week. She's a Leo, and she's fierce. I don't even believe in zodiac signs but...my mom lives up to her sign.
She has sharp senses and strategic skills to complement her leadership, and hence even with her unchanging naivety, she has managed to survive. She would've been quite an influence among her social circle if my father had valued her, and hadn't broken her to bits. Still she carries her core strengths like a lion.
The problem is, she only uses them on her children. The rest of the world requires manipulative and cheating abilities which she doesn't possess, and hence her strengths fail compared to the rest of the world full of cheats and cannibals, because she puts values first.
But why chain her own children? She clips my wings every time I recover and grow them back.
From the tiniest things, to the biggest decisions of my life. And I feel sometimes, she enjoys doing that to me the most. Because I'm the most pathetic, unintelligent, simple, weak person and she knows how to make me look like the bad guy. I know all her statements by heart. But I'm not wise enough to tackle them.
You cannot fight with her. If you do, you're being cruel to HER. She's never being cruel by controlling EVERY ASPECT OF MY LIFE .
From the way I style to what Subspecialty of specialty of field I must pursue as career.
Today she was convincing me in a friendly but firm tone, how I should add a certain lace at the bottom end of my shirt, I told her I don't like it that way, she kept convincing, becoming more excited and emotional with each statement she made to describe how the beauty of the style would be defined due to that lace. I told her THREE TIMES that I wasn't interested...until I finally said okay in an irritated tone. She said plainly "I'm not forcing you! It's just a suggestion!!!"
WHAT WAS THAT MOM? EVERY TIME?
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The other day, my sister and I were looking for a certain object at the mall, but we only found one with a slight difference from what mom would approve. I called her up and asked. "It's up to you guys. It's your thing." She told us, I asked her if she's sure, she said she was absolute. So I replied "okay then, we've chosen the one with this detail." Mom replied "No! You keep looking until you find the one without this detail."
End of discussion. It really makes me upset, everything I say or do is WRONG. JUST PLAIN WRONG. I can never be right, or even good enough. She's permanently unhappy with her children. And till date we've always done as she told us, even after we fought, we still would end up taking her advice, we were too afraid to take flight. We were too afraid of the potential consequences, of breaking her heart, of losing her. But sometimes I stop and want to ask her "Mom, who am I? Who is ME?"
.
Okay so it's my mom. She's an awesome genie who's a university professor, works eight to two six days a week, and comes home and cooks for our family of six. We can't hire a housekeeper for personal and financial reasons. She wants the best for her kids.
But she's very controlling. At some point it just becomes intolerable. Call me thankless, but you won't tolerate a controlling person for even a week. She's a Leo, and she's fierce. I don't even believe in zodiac signs but...my mom lives up to her sign.
She has sharp senses and strategic skills to complement her leadership, and hence even with her unchanging naivety, she has managed to survive. She would've been quite an influence among her social circle if my father had valued her, and hadn't broken her to bits. Still she carries her core strengths like a lion.
The problem is, she only uses them on her children. The rest of the world requires manipulative and cheating abilities which she doesn't possess, and hence her strengths fail compared to the rest of the world full of cheats and cannibals, because she puts values first.
But why chain her own children? She clips my wings every time I recover and grow them back.
From the tiniest things, to the biggest decisions of my life. And I feel sometimes, she enjoys doing that to me the most. Because I'm the most pathetic, unintelligent, simple, weak person and she knows how to make me look like the bad guy. I know all her statements by heart. But I'm not wise enough to tackle them.
You cannot fight with her. If you do, you're being cruel to HER. She's never being cruel by controlling EVERY ASPECT OF MY LIFE .
From the way I style to what Subspecialty of specialty of field I must pursue as career.
Today she was convincing me in a friendly but firm tone, how I should add a certain lace at the bottom end of my shirt, I told her I don't like it that way, she kept convincing, becoming more excited and emotional with each statement she made to describe how the beauty of the style would be defined due to that lace. I told her THREE TIMES that I wasn't interested...until I finally said okay in an irritated tone. She said plainly "I'm not forcing you! It's just a suggestion!!!"
WHAT WAS THAT MOM? EVERY TIME?
.
The other day, my sister and I were looking for a certain object at the mall, but we only found one with a slight difference from what mom would approve. I called her up and asked. "It's up to you guys. It's your thing." She told us, I asked her if she's sure, she said she was absolute. So I replied "okay then, we've chosen the one with this detail." Mom replied "No! You keep looking until you find the one without this detail."
End of discussion. It really makes me upset, everything I say or do is WRONG. JUST PLAIN WRONG. I can never be right, or even good enough. She's permanently unhappy with her children. And till date we've always done as she told us, even after we fought, we still would end up taking her advice, we were too afraid to take flight. We were too afraid of the potential consequences, of breaking her heart, of losing her. But sometimes I stop and want to ask her "Mom, who am I? Who is ME?"
