I Dont Know What to Call This

I still love God, I got closer to heaven for the first time, I heard Angels sing, I witnessed miraculous healings. I found Christ living in me and through me. God is Amazing! How could I not love Him more than I did back then? And yes I do Love God more than I ever did. I suppose that through all of the hell I drew closer to Jesus just like I wanted to, and He revealed Himself to me, in ways that I never even knew before...But I was upset with what happened to the other person, I fear he was a vessel of satan, and that he now has a demon that makes people get a bad feeling about him, I loved him I wanted to know him better and have him know me better, I wanted understanding not condemnation for either of us! But he didn't like me for me, nor my demons, no he hated me and my children, and treated us as such. I guess he just wasn't someone who wanted to get to know me on a personal level as a friend as a sister in Christ. And so I lost him, and I was so grieved and haunted by his ghost who called out his name every single morning when I first awoke for years. Until I just didn't care anymore. But I still think of him, with eagerness and delight, hoping for a day to tell him the truth. That all I wanted was to draw close to God, and to connect with him, when a satanic attack destroyed it all.