I'm Feeling Empty

Quite recently, for the first time in a long time, everything was looking up.


I managed to get another job, this one was supposed to work around my anxiety, a promise made during my interview. I managed to obtain a friend and even got back into touch with two former friends. I felt like I was alive and not just living. Even as everything was being torn apart around me, I could smile occasionally because some aspects of my life were improving.

Of course it did not last. I managed to feel something for slightly more than two months. Then, ever so slowly, it started to fall apart. I lost the job due to my former employer failing to uphold his word. My anxiety came crashing back twice-fold. I lost both my new-found friend and my recently improving former friendships fell apart too.

I am being refused access to my neice and nephews, the very children I have been there for. The very children that have saved my life, genuinely and sincerely save my life. Apparently, the fact that they have been asking to see me doesn't matter... I am not important enough, or so I've been told.

So, here I am. Stuck, once more, between the same four walls. Alone. Unloved. Useless. Once again, I am here feeling empty and without the ability to see a future. Of course, I don't want to die... nor do I see the point in living. My life is without purpose, without desire or need.

There are times when I finally do feel something... but it's just loneliness and depression. I just... I don't feel like there's a point anymore.