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I Have Body Dysmorphic Disorder

Well... Mine developed in middle school, unbeknownst to me. I was severely bullied at school and church. This was also when the abuse started from my mother. Verbal abuse. I was so self-conscious I would pretend to be sick so I didn't have to go to school. Wearing make-up and getting braces made me feel better, but still, I never felt good enough. I had stretch marks on my thighs and was made fun of by boys at the pool for the. I was called the ugliest girl in school. I was social suicide for someone to flirt with (words from my bullies). I dealt with this with no real help other than people trying to reaffirm me it wasn't true from the age of 11. After high school graduation, I spent 18 months as a Mormon Missionary where I realized it was more than just some basic self-esteem issues. I worked with certain companions who were not the nicest people and would mock the way I dressed. I have been very covered up and overtly modest for years. Spending time in Arizona made no difference. I still wore scarves and loose sweaters and didn't care how hot it got. At the age of 21, I finally went to a councilor at my college. It was my second semester and my S.A.D. was especially bad. She asked me about triggers and I went on to describe all the BDD symptoms. She diagnosed me with BDD, but didn't have the resources to help me. I've only known what is going on for about 6 months now.

I'm now getting married to a wonderful man who loves me and thinks I am the sexiest, most beautiful woman alive. Problem is: I still feel awful about my body. I feel like any man who thinks this must be off his rocker. But he insists he gets asked all the time how he got a girl like me because apparently I'm "out of his league." Anyone who is married have advice for someone dealing with BDD going into marriage? I'm still a virgin and this will be the first time anyone has seen my naked and I'm terrified. I have until April to at least get some coping mechanisms. Please, any advice would be welcome! (Though I will warn, my religious beliefs firmly state that premarital sex is not okay, so any sexual acts before marriage aren't an option for me.)

 
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