I Shut Down To Protect Myself

I'm finally realizing this works against me. It used to make me more comfortable by now when I try to open up I have irritating anxiety, like it actually hurts. I find myself nearly teary eyed when I just speak my mind to someone who has shared something with me. Ive sort to many years shutting down for a couple weeks or months, that now I've been shut down an entire year and it drives me up a wall to just have a conversation.