I Have An Abusive Mother

Today, my brother and I were helping my mom and dad bring down the Christmas decorations. My mom was carrying a box and accidentally hit my little brother in the head with it. He starts crying, but she refused to apologize! She got frustrated and started yelling at him, to the point that I glared at her until she saw me. She snapped "What?" at me, and I told her that I was 100% judging her choice in actions. I don't know what she said about me to my dad afterwards, and I really don't want to know, but knowing her, it was intended to hurt me. Afterwards, I went to do the recycling (we have a big bin under the sink and then once a week my brother or I bring the stuff out to the bins in the garage) and found a Toblerone chocolate wrapper, the whole entire package, in the recycling. I knew that she hadn't bought any, and my brother and I had each received one as a gift for Christmas. She ate it but refused to admit to it when I confronted her. I sighed but brushed it off. She defended herself with "you have tons of chocolate, you've eaten so much of it, you're such a pig". Then I went to go make dinner for myself, as it was a fend-for-yourself night, and I found out that all of my chocolate that my best friend had given to me for Christmas was partially eaten. She ate half of the chocolate covered caramels and a good fifth of the chocolate bar. When I confronted her, yet again, she refused to admit to it, calling me a pig. I hid it in one of the highest shelves that we never use, in a plastic bag due to all of the dust up there. I told her in no uncertain terms to bugger off, and that if she wanted some so badly she just should have asked instead of taking it, because I would've said yes.

She laughed and told me she'd get into anytime she wanted. I told her that I hid it, and she was just said "Like I'm not going to find it."

She didn't end up apologizing my brother for hurting him, she just said that he was being a wimp and criticized him for crying. I am trying so hard not to hate her, but all the love I had for her disappeared a long time ago when she started being emotionally abusive. I don't even really care about the chocolate, it's the fact that she refused to apologize and seemed to take my criticism of her behaviour as a challenge in authority.

A few days ago, in a fit of rage, she even told me that I'm "lucky" that she hasn't "killed me yet". She apologized later, but that was one of the only times she had ever done it. She mocks my face all the time, calls me overweight, tells me to stop eating so much, and that I'm "disgusting". I want absolutely nothing to do with her, and that makes me so upset because I want a relationship with her - she's my mom. But I respect myself enough to walk away from her because she's a toxic person and isn't good for me at all.

When I graduate from college, I'm handing her some money, telling her thanks for making sure I'm still alive, and disappearing. I'm not coming back. She's not going to know my number, my address, where I am, or anything. It's going to be really lonely, but I'm prepared for it. It's better than the alternative.