I Don't Understand
It's not so much that I don't understand, I do understand. But it's getting a bit too much and yet it is still not getting through that certain things you say hurt me so bad. And you managed it this time, you got to me and I cracked. I am going on vacation with a horrible feeling of sadness and guilt.
Already this trip has a bittersweet feeling for me since it is not like it was planned since my former friend decided to drop out and stab me in the back. I thought I was strong and I made myself think that I deserved to go on this vacation anyway and that I could use the relaxation and the fun, but I guess it's not.
I leave feeling yet again not understood, blamed for something I did not do, with emotions I should not feel but that you gave me anyway. I feel guilty choosing to put my focus on my deadline for work and sleep right after out of exhaustion instead of coming online to talk to you. I feel guilty that in between my small breaks check up on KON and EP and that I checked one last time again on EP and left it open while falling asleep.
Already this trip has a bittersweet feeling for me since it is not like it was planned since my former friend decided to drop out and stab me in the back. I thought I was strong and I made myself think that I deserved to go on this vacation anyway and that I could use the relaxation and the fun, but I guess it's not.
I leave feeling yet again not understood, blamed for something I did not do, with emotions I should not feel but that you gave me anyway. I feel guilty choosing to put my focus on my deadline for work and sleep right after out of exhaustion instead of coming online to talk to you. I feel guilty that in between my small breaks check up on KON and EP and that I checked one last time again on EP and left it open while falling asleep.
41-45, M