I Am Trying To Accept The Things I Cannot Change
“Do or do not; there is no try” – Yoda
True? Or False?
True? Or False?
31-35, M
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OceanKayak · 31-35, M
Interesting, This is what one coach said in part:
... But at the end of the day, you either do it or you don’t. And the second I hear a guy say, “Hey, I tried, right?” You didn’t fucking try. You failed. And “I plan on trying that.” Don’t even bother. The second you plan on trying, you’re planning on failing. Trying implies failure. It’s a weasel word. It tells people, “I’m not really going to do it, but you won’t be able to blame me for failing, because I’ll say that I tried.”
Or more accurately, you’re telling yourself, “I’m probably going to fail, so at least this way I can’t be blamed, because I’m going to try right?” You’re protecting your ego and sabotaging your results in the process.
You either do it or you don’t. I know it’s harsh. I know it’s hard. And that’s OK. I know you’ll often fail. And that’s OK too. But don’t go out saying, “OK, I’m going to try to be more aggressive tonight.” You’re already weaseling your way out of success. You’re already accepting failure before you even begin. Go out and say, “I AM going to be more aggressive tonight.” It’s a commitment. It’s a commitment and if you don’t live up to it, it’s your fault. If you weren’t aggressive, then you weren’t aggressive. And that’s OK. Don’t say, “Well, I tried to be aggressive, that counts, right?” Trying doesn’t count. Trying isn’t worth anything. You weren’t aggressive. It’s that simple.
Same with stuff like, “I tried to get her out on a date,” or “I tried to kiss her, but the moment wasn’t right,” or “I tried to get over my anxieties, but they’re too hard.” All I hear is, fail, fail and fail.
And that’s OK. Failing is OK. Become OK with failing at something. You’re never going to shoot 100%. No one is. You only improve by failure. You don’t improve by trying. As long as you hide from failure with weasel words like “trying,” you’re never going to learn, you’re never going to become resilient, and you’re always going to be anxious as hell.
... But at the end of the day, you either do it or you don’t. And the second I hear a guy say, “Hey, I tried, right?” You didn’t fucking try. You failed. And “I plan on trying that.” Don’t even bother. The second you plan on trying, you’re planning on failing. Trying implies failure. It’s a weasel word. It tells people, “I’m not really going to do it, but you won’t be able to blame me for failing, because I’ll say that I tried.”
Or more accurately, you’re telling yourself, “I’m probably going to fail, so at least this way I can’t be blamed, because I’m going to try right?” You’re protecting your ego and sabotaging your results in the process.
You either do it or you don’t. I know it’s harsh. I know it’s hard. And that’s OK. I know you’ll often fail. And that’s OK too. But don’t go out saying, “OK, I’m going to try to be more aggressive tonight.” You’re already weaseling your way out of success. You’re already accepting failure before you even begin. Go out and say, “I AM going to be more aggressive tonight.” It’s a commitment. It’s a commitment and if you don’t live up to it, it’s your fault. If you weren’t aggressive, then you weren’t aggressive. And that’s OK. Don’t say, “Well, I tried to be aggressive, that counts, right?” Trying doesn’t count. Trying isn’t worth anything. You weren’t aggressive. It’s that simple.
Same with stuff like, “I tried to get her out on a date,” or “I tried to kiss her, but the moment wasn’t right,” or “I tried to get over my anxieties, but they’re too hard.” All I hear is, fail, fail and fail.
And that’s OK. Failing is OK. Become OK with failing at something. You’re never going to shoot 100%. No one is. You only improve by failure. You don’t improve by trying. As long as you hide from failure with weasel words like “trying,” you’re never going to learn, you’re never going to become resilient, and you’re always going to be anxious as hell.
Tatsumi · 31-35, M
@OceanKayak: Maybe for people who have to delude themselves to put their best effort in. "I'm going to do it," and "I'm going to try my best," are the same thing. Only one person is trying to delude themselves that failure is impossible.
Maybe that allows some people to put their best effort in, but it isnt mandatory to put ones full effort into something. Nay, accepting the possibility of failure makes one more versatile. Saying "I'm going to do it," just makes one inflexible and singleminded. When that is necessary, okay, but it's not always the best thing.
But the point is: there is "try".
Maybe that allows some people to put their best effort in, but it isnt mandatory to put ones full effort into something. Nay, accepting the possibility of failure makes one more versatile. Saying "I'm going to do it," just makes one inflexible and singleminded. When that is necessary, okay, but it's not always the best thing.
But the point is: there is "try".
OceanKayak · 31-35, M
TessParker · 31-35, F
OceanKayak · 31-35, M
Yeah. 😝