I Admit That I'm Scared

I don't show atleast I try not to but just thinking about going back in 48hours how these 2 months changed everything and still at night I get these nightmares that are breaking me from the inside and the worst part I can't fix it myself the only one who could I can't take it to her she's far away now 1500kms away and I don't know when will she be back home but she's the glue she always was the one she might think I'm too loving or I don't know but I know for sure now that you're not here my nights are gonna be sleepless my days are gonna be worse and still I'll have my first and last thought of the day the same its her always and I don't know but I used to wait to see you and now I'm gonna probably break much before we meet and I can't tell you this because I'm scared she's settled happy and I am broken scared unhappy shaking with fear having nightmares crying and I don't know why I came back for her and god took her away what's gonna happen I don't know but that virtual presence the feeling that you were there is fading and so is everything else with it because she defines the most important part of me my heart and its fading away to a long lost path that I'd rather not take but I guess I don't have a choice now I just hope I'll get back up sleep for longer with peace and basically keep breathing till I meet you :'(