I Often Isolate Myself

I've been hibernating. Just eating and sleeping all day. Everyday. 24/7. I stopped seeing my friends. The last time I saw them was like two weeks ago, when we just hung out once after much time with not seeing each other.

I always do this, when I'm on summer break, specially... I forget about everyone, idek why I do this. It's not that I'd rather stay home, being here or taking many naps during the day. (I know I could do more other things too just by myself, but that's not the point here). It's not that I'd rather be alone at home doing nothing because it actually helps me feel sadder.

Loneliness makes everything worse for me, but idk why or how I always manage to isolate myself from everyone. Like some friends even text me to hang out someday... but I ignore it , I refuse... Idk why I do this. Being here all alone doesn't help. I like spending time by myself but not that much time. It gets lonely and depressing. It feels like I'd rather staying home just to avoid everyone... I'd like to think that it's bc I hate people and I don't want to deal with them, but no...

Actually, I'm starting to think it's because I am afraid... afraid of everything, everyone... I'd rather stay home bc I don't want to face life.