I Miss My Mom Who Passed Away

I just realized it was October 30th, 2003. I received a call from mom. She had just returned from her doctor and was going to need surgery on her colon. She had cancer.

The kids were around the house, my wife was outside and I was up in the dining room loft. I don’t know what I said. It was too early to know that the next 8 months would be her last. Even so, I sat upstairs and just broke down. I felt deeply lost. It was odd, I don’t cry and I am seldom down. My mom annoyed me at times and I was more the parent then the child for most of my life, but it just hit me. I had to put on the “under control “ mask to prepare my kids for what might (and did) happen. It was awful.

For some reason, sitting in my car after a normal practice, heading home to a normal house and evening, I feel it all over again. It’s not a date that means anything, just a normal phone call.

I’ve faced my own mortality with open heart surgery with little difficulty, but this is just, I don’t know, hard.

Time for my “under control “ mask.

Sorry if you took time to read this, it just helped to post it here.