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I May Be Going Through a Midlife Crisis

Do you ever stop and look at yourself- the situation your in- your mental state- and feel sorry for yourself? feel pathetic? Thats how ive been lately.I dont want to focus on it- but at my age- i feel i should be doing so much that im not doing-ive been feeling stuck for a very long time- Finding motivation hard- I have anxiety and have let it rule my life pretty much. I dont even know if im depressed or what.
I am 36 and feel like im having a huge mid life crisis. But its been going on for way too long now and i just want it to end. i have been too scared to do things. Thats why i have remained stuck.
I want to change though. I really am finding motivation hard to muster.
I get stuck in these emotions and get weighed down by them.my anxiety is quite bad too- I have been thinking of taking up counselling again (I havent had a counsellor in maybe 5 years now) but ive even been procrastinating with that.
I want to learn to read tarot cards for extra income.I war in my mind over that because i got brought up a christian and believe in god... I have a good partner but have been finding another guy really attractive.Ive become this huge contradiction that i am finding difficult to understand at all...
I am the Libra zodiac sign - lazy luxurious loving libra.... also extremely indecisive.
i dont really have any freinds and find it really difficult getting close to people. i have social anxiety as well which has been crippling. I want to make freinds i want to be around others but im so afraid of people getting to know me....I think if they really knew me they wouldnt like me. I feel more comfortable socialising with people online. I look at that and feel pathetic even.
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TheCoolestCat · 31-35, M
yea, im going nowhere fast either lol, i can kinda relate though... i was diagnosed with schizophrenia 3 years ago, things had already been going to shit before that but then they sped up like 10 times faster, i go to see a psychologist though and were working on building my life up again