I Miss The Way Things Used To Be
I rented from the same landlord and property my husband and I had years ago. Even though I'm in the second building and a different unit, it feels rather nostalgic to be back there.
I am surprised that I feel sad and lonely about getting out of my parents' house. For months I dreamt of nothing but that. Now, here I am packing and moving, and instead of jumping for joy I'm quite and withdrawn, sifting through the memories of people, places, smells, the seasons, and the feelings.
It was our very first apartment together. We were so, SO happy, and it is where I was proposed to, where I discovered I got pregnant with my first child, and where we had our first actual fight- 2 years into our relationship.
I realize I'm terrified and overwhelmed to do this for the first time on my own. For an hour and a half I walked around my new empty apartment as the sun started to set in the evening sky, and I cherished the beautiful glow that reached far into my living room. Grilling out on summer nights, having a beer, having friends over, laughing and smiling- my heart feels raw because I miss those days.
I know that I won't be alone as I will have my children, and I'm sure I'll get to know my neighbors again. Also, there will be more summer nights like that to come. It doesn't mean it doesn't hurt to think about before... Try not to dwell on the sentimental memories right? I got so many wonderful things going good for me right now such as school, finances, resources, and I'm blessed to have another day...
What really tugs on my heart strings with a searing vengeance is that something is missing. My husband and my stepdaughter. The family unit I built my life around for 7 1/2 years has fallen apart. That's a lot of time. It has left a hole in my life I realize.
I am surprised that I feel sad and lonely about getting out of my parents' house. For months I dreamt of nothing but that. Now, here I am packing and moving, and instead of jumping for joy I'm quite and withdrawn, sifting through the memories of people, places, smells, the seasons, and the feelings.
It was our very first apartment together. We were so, SO happy, and it is where I was proposed to, where I discovered I got pregnant with my first child, and where we had our first actual fight- 2 years into our relationship.
I realize I'm terrified and overwhelmed to do this for the first time on my own. For an hour and a half I walked around my new empty apartment as the sun started to set in the evening sky, and I cherished the beautiful glow that reached far into my living room. Grilling out on summer nights, having a beer, having friends over, laughing and smiling- my heart feels raw because I miss those days.
I know that I won't be alone as I will have my children, and I'm sure I'll get to know my neighbors again. Also, there will be more summer nights like that to come. It doesn't mean it doesn't hurt to think about before... Try not to dwell on the sentimental memories right? I got so many wonderful things going good for me right now such as school, finances, resources, and I'm blessed to have another day...
What really tugs on my heart strings with a searing vengeance is that something is missing. My husband and my stepdaughter. The family unit I built my life around for 7 1/2 years has fallen apart. That's a lot of time. It has left a hole in my life I realize.
31-35, F
