I Love Romance
Trying to work but the words are like a pressure inside. Its annoying.
I used to be a big romantic at heart. Too much of one all of my life till not long ago.
Not a good kind of romantic but a foolish one. I spent years being devoted to someone who liked the attention but never felt any attraction. I wasnt the kind of guy the ladies wanted.
This crippled me for most of my life. I always had the hollywood hero idea in my head that if i just showed how limitless my devotion was, id win the heart of the princess. All those stupid movies where the geeky best friend wins over the girl in the end because she realized that her true love was always there.
Stupid.
Its demeaning to both but even now i cant recover the self esteem i never developed.
The pain involved is a lot. I have health issues now that go way back to the first gulf war. I get asked all the time how i put up with the physical pain and i just say "you get used to it". The truth is that i dont always notice it. Its the twisted barbed wire wrapped about my heart that hurts more. I wish i knew how to turn it off. To stop seeing those i loved in my mind.
The world is empty. Im told to move forward but its like standing on the edge of a cliff. I know i cannot fly.
I used to be a big romantic at heart. Too much of one all of my life till not long ago.
Not a good kind of romantic but a foolish one. I spent years being devoted to someone who liked the attention but never felt any attraction. I wasnt the kind of guy the ladies wanted.
This crippled me for most of my life. I always had the hollywood hero idea in my head that if i just showed how limitless my devotion was, id win the heart of the princess. All those stupid movies where the geeky best friend wins over the girl in the end because she realized that her true love was always there.
Stupid.
Its demeaning to both but even now i cant recover the self esteem i never developed.
The pain involved is a lot. I have health issues now that go way back to the first gulf war. I get asked all the time how i put up with the physical pain and i just say "you get used to it". The truth is that i dont always notice it. Its the twisted barbed wire wrapped about my heart that hurts more. I wish i knew how to turn it off. To stop seeing those i loved in my mind.
The world is empty. Im told to move forward but its like standing on the edge of a cliff. I know i cannot fly.
56-60, M
