I Feel Like I Don't Belong
I have always felt lost, and out of my element.
For years, I've always felt that I was the one that's wrong. The one that needs to adjust and change in order to suit my surroundings. If I had acted out of the norm, I would berate myself. "Why am I like this?" I'd wonder.
For years, I learned to read people. When they reacted, I'd adjust the way I spoke, what I said, whether I should be brusque and straight to the point, or flirty and friendly.
I honed this skill, so that I could assimilate myself in every group like a chameleon. Seemingly belonging, yet feeling like a complete outsider.
I don't think I really knew who I was until the past few years.
I never thought I was smart, or that my thoughts were worth anything, because people never seemed interested in what I wanted to say.
I've just accepted now that I was born in the wrong place. It doesn't mean that I don't belong. Or rather, I'd have to stop thinking of "belonging" as being tied to a location.
If I can be completely myself with people who celebrate the person I am, then that is when I find that sense of belonging. It may not be permanent, but at least it is there, when I can find it.
For years, I've always felt that I was the one that's wrong. The one that needs to adjust and change in order to suit my surroundings. If I had acted out of the norm, I would berate myself. "Why am I like this?" I'd wonder.
For years, I learned to read people. When they reacted, I'd adjust the way I spoke, what I said, whether I should be brusque and straight to the point, or flirty and friendly.
I honed this skill, so that I could assimilate myself in every group like a chameleon. Seemingly belonging, yet feeling like a complete outsider.
I don't think I really knew who I was until the past few years.
I never thought I was smart, or that my thoughts were worth anything, because people never seemed interested in what I wanted to say.
I've just accepted now that I was born in the wrong place. It doesn't mean that I don't belong. Or rather, I'd have to stop thinking of "belonging" as being tied to a location.
If I can be completely myself with people who celebrate the person I am, then that is when I find that sense of belonging. It may not be permanent, but at least it is there, when I can find it.
