I Am a Survivor of Domestic Violence
I write this not to get sympathy, but to help those that suffer from it and feel like they cannot leave.
Before I got into my proper relationship, I didn't know what it meant to actually be in a healthy one. My mother and her partner would often scream and beat each other, and eventually I just thought that was how they worked. Growing up with nothing but violence and other stuff like that, and not seeing how other families functioned you wouldn't know any better. When she died, I already had low self-esteem from the constant abuse both physical and verbal I suffered from her. Her partner did unspeakable things to my sister and I, which lead to more self-esteem issues, weight gain, and self-harm. By the time I reached my teen years, all my 'friends' and my sister had relationships. I was often the butt of every joke; the fat friend, the weird one. Nobody gave me any time of day. So I became so desperate to feel wanted that I sought out a dating site where I met the wrong kind of man.
He wasn't interested in a relationship, but being foolish, I tried my best to make him happy. It quickly turned from verbal abuse to physical as he cheated on me and used me however he wanted, even forcing me into things I didn't feel like doing. I was constantly upset, but eventually thought that this was all I was worth; that God had given me this life because I'd done something bad.
It got so bad, that he eventually took from me the very things I loved. He dislocated my wrist and snapped all the tendons and little bits in it, taking my ability to ever play violin properly again lest I go through therapy, and even hit me so hard in the head it caused permanent brain damage, robbing me of some of my memory capacity, giving me clots that need to be removed and many more issues.
I left eventually, with the help of counselors. I had not been seeing anyone at that time, fearing judgement but the damage was done.
If I had been smarter, and gotten the help I had needed, I wouldn't have had the experience I had. I believed that he could change, that it was all my fault and everything along those lines. I was foolish, but will not make the same mistake again, and it isn't a very proud moment of my life.
To anyone that feels that they are suffering in any way, please get out. It can escalate very quickly, and it just isn't worth it. You are worth more than being treated like dirt, controlled or used.
Before I got into my proper relationship, I didn't know what it meant to actually be in a healthy one. My mother and her partner would often scream and beat each other, and eventually I just thought that was how they worked. Growing up with nothing but violence and other stuff like that, and not seeing how other families functioned you wouldn't know any better. When she died, I already had low self-esteem from the constant abuse both physical and verbal I suffered from her. Her partner did unspeakable things to my sister and I, which lead to more self-esteem issues, weight gain, and self-harm. By the time I reached my teen years, all my 'friends' and my sister had relationships. I was often the butt of every joke; the fat friend, the weird one. Nobody gave me any time of day. So I became so desperate to feel wanted that I sought out a dating site where I met the wrong kind of man.
He wasn't interested in a relationship, but being foolish, I tried my best to make him happy. It quickly turned from verbal abuse to physical as he cheated on me and used me however he wanted, even forcing me into things I didn't feel like doing. I was constantly upset, but eventually thought that this was all I was worth; that God had given me this life because I'd done something bad.
It got so bad, that he eventually took from me the very things I loved. He dislocated my wrist and snapped all the tendons and little bits in it, taking my ability to ever play violin properly again lest I go through therapy, and even hit me so hard in the head it caused permanent brain damage, robbing me of some of my memory capacity, giving me clots that need to be removed and many more issues.
I left eventually, with the help of counselors. I had not been seeing anyone at that time, fearing judgement but the damage was done.
If I had been smarter, and gotten the help I had needed, I wouldn't have had the experience I had. I believed that he could change, that it was all my fault and everything along those lines. I was foolish, but will not make the same mistake again, and it isn't a very proud moment of my life.
To anyone that feels that they are suffering in any way, please get out. It can escalate very quickly, and it just isn't worth it. You are worth more than being treated like dirt, controlled or used.
