I Am a Survivor of Domestic Violence
An long ago ex of mine love to emotionally abuse me. Tell me no one would ever love me but him. Then he slowly became more physically abusive. We broke up before it got too terrible.
But what no one knows is my current's temper. He has this...other side to him. It's not him. Truly. He pretty much blacks out if I don't get him out of it in time. A few New Year's eves ago, I had too much to drink and so did he. And I didn't notice "Mr. Bad Man" in time. My night ended and my new year started with him straddling me. His knees pinned my arms to my side. I couldn't move. His hands were around my throat. I couldn't speak, scream, or breathe. To this day he really doesn't know. He blacked out. He woke up on the floor. I woke up hours later. Broken blood vessels in one eye, light bruising on my neck, and my throat felt like it was fire. I was hoarse. I told everyone I was sick. My voice didn't come back fully for almost a week. I was sore for almost two weeks.
He has never done it or come close to it again. His remorse was terrible.
What's worse, is that a part of me, even though I know it wasn't really him, doesn't care. A part of me did die that night. A part of me just can't fully forgive him. I don't know that I ever can.
But what no one knows is my current's temper. He has this...other side to him. It's not him. Truly. He pretty much blacks out if I don't get him out of it in time. A few New Year's eves ago, I had too much to drink and so did he. And I didn't notice "Mr. Bad Man" in time. My night ended and my new year started with him straddling me. His knees pinned my arms to my side. I couldn't move. His hands were around my throat. I couldn't speak, scream, or breathe. To this day he really doesn't know. He blacked out. He woke up on the floor. I woke up hours later. Broken blood vessels in one eye, light bruising on my neck, and my throat felt like it was fire. I was hoarse. I told everyone I was sick. My voice didn't come back fully for almost a week. I was sore for almost two weeks.
He has never done it or come close to it again. His remorse was terrible.
What's worse, is that a part of me, even though I know it wasn't really him, doesn't care. A part of me did die that night. A part of me just can't fully forgive him. I don't know that I ever can.
46-50, F
