I Bottle Up My Feelings Instead Of Expressing Them To Others

since I've rejoined college things just are not going mY way at all I feel lonely all the time even with friends around I don't feel like seeing or talking too much either for some reason its been four days and it feels like 4 years somehow :( days just keep going and going on and on and I can't distract myself now I didn't know that when she would leave the girl who I loved for 6 years I would feel so alone we didn't meet everyday but I felt secure now I feel broken alone and so much pain is there sometimes I cry but now I can't cry too I just I'm trying to live somehow I used to tell her as a joke that she's my heartbeat and the reason why I'm in town at that college is because I wanted to be close to her but now I realised she is mY heartbeat and life without her makes me feel just numb and breathing. before I used to live now I'm just trying so hard to live but seems like everything is just falling apart I'm scared of everything now meeting people talking everything just scares me so much I don't know why or his this is gonna end but I just wanna be happy this time.