Do you want genuine friends or seek a massive amount of followers offering shallow connections just to boost your ego?
Once upon a time, mine was larger, but I learned the value in 4 quarters vs 100 pennies. I want true friends that own their wrongdoings, and not just hold mine against me. One's that have my back & prove they won't abandon me for any reason; accepting me on my worst days, and believing me. Another person mentioned "personas" the other day. I'm forever growing and that is too limited for positivity & change. I just want to be "me", and validation doesn't go hand in hand with that, nor do I wish to merely be a person living such a life.
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I’ve always seen those focused on numbers and collecting affirmations from the likes of anyone within praising distance as those who are silently hurting deeply, lost in some way, and aching to feel a part of something that takes them away from their own suffocating loneliness/outcastness. That’s not a word but you get what I mean. At its core, it’s emptiness feeding emptiness and so many fail to see that as long as the now they’re just trying to get though includes hearts, likes, and the confidence building words they long to hear from those they’re closest to in their lives but who fail to say them. My heart hurts for the collectors on many levels. I see them probably more than they see themselves.
As far as genuine friends goes, I’ve learned something through the years about them. They don’t always retain that title. So very few things in this life are permanent and long lasting genuine connections is one of them. Things fade. Words. Time. Connections. The strength to juggle. All while time carries on. I have a very small amount of precious and genuine connections that have survived the test of time, but the connection for some of them has changed over the years as our lives and commitments have. I don’t require anything from them, not even making me a priority or fighting any battles with me. Support is nice, just like having an ear is because damn, can having an ear help you conquer so much, but I don’t really ask for any of it. I’m just thankful they’re there in whatever way they are. I’m that person. I’m too much of the protector to allow anyone to draw their sword with me because I’ve got this and my sword’s just fine and dandy for facing the demons gunning for me. Maybe that level of independence is a foolish way of existing, but those who I speak of, those I’m truly blessed to have in my life understand that I need to fight my own battles for myself...for a journey I can be proud of and they love and support me for that because it’s taken me so long to even get to that state of knowing that I can. And if I stumble too much that I start to lose faith in my abilities, I know one word will bring them right there to my side, no questions asked. That’s...fuck, that’s a level of love you can’t capture through any amount of followers on a screen.
@PerfectionOfTheHeart You're correct about how relationships change, especially ones you never expected & that is truly devastating in a sense, but like you, my sword is ready! Especially on here. I tried to reconnect with an old friend earlier, then rationalized that I deserve and respect myself more than that, to refriend someone who abandoned me.
Desperation for attention and validation is easily seen, imo. They want to belong so bad, they take every compliment and flirt as actual truth. What they're missing, is within. The same goes for collectors racking up the names as if earning a rite of passage to be more than vs the less than they're fighting. It's truly sad. And in all honesty, if you have 700 friends, yet 12 answer your post{s}, ummm hello.
I'm not the greatest with words today but you summarized it perfectly!
@MoonlightLullaby Ah. Internet connections can be even more tricky to maintain just because to some they can be seen as even less of a priority over the ones made in the flesh. Plus, the ease of connecting with new souls ready to share their exciting journey thus far and possibly forge new connections that can spark something magical within? Yeah. It’s easy for the fading to occur. I’m glad that pause came for your mind to have a say in that decision. The pain encountered through the act of abandonment...it’s something that sticks with you for a reason. Maybe that moment was the reason.
Seen by others, sure, but easily seen by themselves? Nah. They’re often too focused on the praise that could come to stop and examine the reason they feel it needs to come in the first place. If they just focused their attention on healing what led them to have such a hunger for attention/validation, they’d understand how powerful they are in the healing process instead of others trying to do it for them. But that requires visiting places within that aren’t very appealing and take a great amount of strength to even come back out of, so I understand why it’s not a path for some when they need it the most.
Haha you’re fine with words, even on days you feel they’re hard to grab a hold of.
