I Am So Confused About How I Should Feel And What Should I Do
We all have so many "shoulds" in our life... we are "should-ing" all over ourselves! So here is a short list of some of my "I Shoulds" in hopes that I will let them all go!
I SHOULD
- I should lose weight
- I should feel happy
- I should forgive my mother
- I should have been a better mother
- I should be a better friend
- I should stop wanting more from life
- I should just give up
- I should meditate everyday
- I should try harder
- I should give up TV
- I should exercise
- I should work harder to make more money
- I should love myself
Now I ask myself "Why" for each one.
- because I am fat and unhealthy, I hate my body, it hurts, I can't do certain things I want and it has prevented me from finding love, I would feel better about myself if I did.
- because I am blessed enough to be born in America and have had more opportunity than probably half the world, not being happy means I am ungrateful and something is wrong with me.
- because forgiving her is the key to my freedom from my internal hell
- because my son deserved a better mother. I was young, poor, naive, hurt, unprepared and I tried to overcome my childhood so he wouldn't be harmed but I didn't do a good enough job.
- because I have great friends who deserve a great friend in return but depression is powerful and it takes over and I lose so much time with them and I truly love them!
- because I feel selfish to want more, not in stuff, but in purpose, path, choice, freedom. Out of 7 billion people, why would I be so lucky to find that when others haven't, can't or won't?
- because it's hard and I'm tired and I fear I am not strong enough!
- because it works and I am lazy and I really need to sure up my practice! haha
- because this is important and I am worth the effort!
- because I am addicted. Its stolen so many years of my life and has given me nothing in return. It is not good for me, it's holding me back and I need to let it go!
- because money affords choices and I feel all out of choices!
- because if I don't love myself how can I expect anyone else will. I am love, I give love, I express love, I share love, I deserve love so I start my loving myself!
Louise Hay believes "should" is a very damaging word. Using "should" is the same as admitting you are doing something wrong and no one needs more "wrongs" in their life! We need more freedom of choice! Replace the word "should" with COULD. "Could" gives us choice, and we are never wrong.
My job is to re-read my list with "could" and begin each sentence with "If I really wanted to, I could ____________"
Then ask yourself gently: "Why haven't you?" I am sure your answers will now be quite different!
Many times we find that we have been berating ourselves for years over things we never really wanted in the first place or wasn't even our idea (My mom said I should). How often have we felt inferior because we were told we "should" be smarter, richer, more creative or attractive- based on someone else's yardstick?
What is on your "should" list that could be dropped away with a sense of relief?
--------------------------------------
"If I really wanted to, I could ____________"
- lose weight
- feel happy
- forgive my mother
- have been a better mother
- be a better friend
- stop wanting more from life
- just give up
- meditate everyday
- try harder
- give up TV
- exercise
- work harder to make more money
- love myself
"Why haven't you?"
- It's hard. I am trying and I will succeed but losing weight is a process that i am committed to for my health.
- I'm working on it! :)
- I'm working on that too! Finding this one to be the hardest... I don't know how.
- Since I can't go back I time, I can start today and be the best mom I can be to him now.
- It's hard to be a better friend when you are in pain and depression has a hold on you but I can make more of an effort.
- because that is just giving up and i refuse to give up, there has to be more to life than this!
- Nope! Not ready to give up yet. I feel so close.
- Cause it feels like work so I am going to reframe my meditation practice to feel less like work and effort and more like spiritual awakening and fun.
- I have. Trying harder isn't something I haven't done. I am on the battlefield of my soul and I plan to be victorious!
- Because I love TV and I'm addicted and it's a hard habit to break even though I know its for my own good. I'm working on it.
- Cause it hurts and its unpleasant and not fun. I just don't want to even though I need to.
- cause I don't wanna work harder. That is trading one horrible thing for another horrible thing!
- I have. Everyday I love myself more and more!
I SHOULD
- I should lose weight
- I should feel happy
- I should forgive my mother
- I should have been a better mother
- I should be a better friend
- I should stop wanting more from life
- I should just give up
- I should meditate everyday
- I should try harder
- I should give up TV
- I should exercise
- I should work harder to make more money
- I should love myself
Now I ask myself "Why" for each one.
- because I am fat and unhealthy, I hate my body, it hurts, I can't do certain things I want and it has prevented me from finding love, I would feel better about myself if I did.
- because I am blessed enough to be born in America and have had more opportunity than probably half the world, not being happy means I am ungrateful and something is wrong with me.
- because forgiving her is the key to my freedom from my internal hell
- because my son deserved a better mother. I was young, poor, naive, hurt, unprepared and I tried to overcome my childhood so he wouldn't be harmed but I didn't do a good enough job.
- because I have great friends who deserve a great friend in return but depression is powerful and it takes over and I lose so much time with them and I truly love them!
- because I feel selfish to want more, not in stuff, but in purpose, path, choice, freedom. Out of 7 billion people, why would I be so lucky to find that when others haven't, can't or won't?
- because it's hard and I'm tired and I fear I am not strong enough!
- because it works and I am lazy and I really need to sure up my practice! haha
- because this is important and I am worth the effort!
- because I am addicted. Its stolen so many years of my life and has given me nothing in return. It is not good for me, it's holding me back and I need to let it go!
- because money affords choices and I feel all out of choices!
- because if I don't love myself how can I expect anyone else will. I am love, I give love, I express love, I share love, I deserve love so I start my loving myself!
Louise Hay believes "should" is a very damaging word. Using "should" is the same as admitting you are doing something wrong and no one needs more "wrongs" in their life! We need more freedom of choice! Replace the word "should" with COULD. "Could" gives us choice, and we are never wrong.
My job is to re-read my list with "could" and begin each sentence with "If I really wanted to, I could ____________"
Then ask yourself gently: "Why haven't you?" I am sure your answers will now be quite different!
Many times we find that we have been berating ourselves for years over things we never really wanted in the first place or wasn't even our idea (My mom said I should). How often have we felt inferior because we were told we "should" be smarter, richer, more creative or attractive- based on someone else's yardstick?
What is on your "should" list that could be dropped away with a sense of relief?
--------------------------------------
"If I really wanted to, I could ____________"
- lose weight
- feel happy
- forgive my mother
- have been a better mother
- be a better friend
- stop wanting more from life
- just give up
- meditate everyday
- try harder
- give up TV
- exercise
- work harder to make more money
- love myself
"Why haven't you?"
- It's hard. I am trying and I will succeed but losing weight is a process that i am committed to for my health.
- I'm working on it! :)
- I'm working on that too! Finding this one to be the hardest... I don't know how.
- Since I can't go back I time, I can start today and be the best mom I can be to him now.
- It's hard to be a better friend when you are in pain and depression has a hold on you but I can make more of an effort.
- because that is just giving up and i refuse to give up, there has to be more to life than this!
- Nope! Not ready to give up yet. I feel so close.
- Cause it feels like work so I am going to reframe my meditation practice to feel less like work and effort and more like spiritual awakening and fun.
- I have. Trying harder isn't something I haven't done. I am on the battlefield of my soul and I plan to be victorious!
- Because I love TV and I'm addicted and it's a hard habit to break even though I know its for my own good. I'm working on it.
- Cause it hurts and its unpleasant and not fun. I just don't want to even though I need to.
- cause I don't wanna work harder. That is trading one horrible thing for another horrible thing!
- I have. Everyday I love myself more and more!
46-50, F
