I Emotionally Drained

I know what I want. I know who I want. But I don’t know how I should go about getting it...and when I’m told, I procrastinate out of fear.

I want to be alone tonight. I’m broke and a little overwhelmed.

I understand that my energies shouldn’t be entirely focused on boys but they really aren’t. Some of it is. But I don’t have enough energy for that. I get lazy when it comes to my love life. Also largely due to fear, if I’m being honest.

I’m tired of being lonely but a big part of me feels like I’m meant to be alone. I don’t understand why guys that I like don’t approach me....And guys that I’m not into, do. It’s frustrating.

My friend keeps telling “talk to him! Talk to him!” But he’s intimidating and scary. And I’m a coward.

Yes my biggest problem is, I don’t try. I’ll be honest with myself as difficult as that is...I don’t try or put myself out there because I’m still afraid of rejection like the emotionally underdeveloped kid I am. I haven’t gotten around to handling rejection well (and when you live in the shadow of a beautiful sister and see how she’s never been rejected, it makes you that much more insecure.).

I feel like being rejected would take a toll on my self esteem and I would have to keep rebuilding that confidence...THATS what drains me the most. I’m in a period of remission and I’m starting to feel more confident but i haven’t reached my goal and I feel like being shot down, id have to start from square one. It’s emotionally draining. Too much.

I just tell people I simply don’t have the energy. In actuality im really just lame.

Being that it’s that time of the month certainly doesn’t help either :P