I Ummm,well,you Know

Wtf. I dont know if im truly doing what I want to be doing or doing whats easiest. I feel like im riding in a plane I know is going to crash but im chill. Just waiting. That would I guess be a metaphor for my crazy impulsive decision making. The way I change my mind at the drop of a hat over something some may say is a pretty big deal. I dont want to hurt anyone. And I dont want to get hurt. But its like...it happens every fucking time. Ew my stomach hurts over this. Happy, depressed, not happy, annoyed, happy, not happy, happy...... its a fucking special hell. Wheres the instruction manual for this shit?!