I'm Tired of Being Rejected

Sick of it. Sick of feeling like I have to beg for basic human connection with someone I love so much. Sick of being pushed away. Sick of knowing I'll do this over and over again just like I have for years. Sick of being pathetic just like he says I am. He is right, I'm pathetic and I make myself unattractive by repeatedly needing /wanting/seeking connection. I'll be in the same situation this time tomorrow. Don't bother telling me to leave him, it ain't gonna happen and he knows it. Maybe I'm not sick of, maybe I am just sick and that's why I keep doing this. Isn't that the definition of insanity? Keep doing the same thing expecting different results. Clearly I am insane. Why do I keep thinking something different will happen? Because once every 5 or 6 years he does something different and I hold onto to that one moment until the next one comes along. I am sick.