I Remember My Earliest Sexual Experiences

I hadn't actually pondered the thought until quite recently, but my first sexual encounters have affected me more than I have known. I was 6 years old, and a 9 year old neighbor girl suggested that we both get undressed as we were playing together down in our basement. We played together naked many times, over many months, touching in various sexual ways. In thinking back over how she acted and the ideas that she brought forth and the things that she said... it seems she was being sexually abused at home, probably by her father. She talked about the magazines that her father had, and the pictures in them. She also talked about having things done to her that were painful. As an adult, many of my submissive, dark fantasies probably have roots in the thoughts that she and I talked about as children... which were probably things that she had personally experienced at the hand of someone. What is a bit curious to me is that there was an aspect in our conversations that suggested either she received some enjoyment in some way in what was done to her or she was using me as someone who she could control as a way to cope with what was done to her... otherwise, why would she have wanted to relive some of those experiences in the conversations with me? Over the past few weeks, I have been trying to sort some of this out in my mind and I would like to find someone here on SW who can help me sort it out. Please PM me if you might be able to help.