I Am Having a Hard Time Right Now
Maybe It's because I've been sick so much (months of UTI trouble), but two nights ago I had a really terrible 14 hour panic attack. Not sure what set it off. It went on all night.
Morning finally arrived. Still shaking and sweating, heart pounding, I saw a doctor.
While waiting in the room while the doctor took a break, I had to use the restroom (lingering effects of my last UTI).
A nurse directed me to a restroom marked RESTROOM. I went in and used the restroom...then I discovered the door required a special code on a keyboard to get out! (Later I found out it was a staff restroom though not marked as such). I knocked and screamed for a few minutes. I realized it was mid day on a Friday and I pictured myself locked in for the weekend.
It's easy to imagine the worst during a panic attack.
So...I went crazy, screamed, and kicked the door, ready to break it down. My panic attack went into full gear. Someone came and let me out. I heard a lot of nurses talking softly and giggling (I was the only patient there). I guess maybe it was funny to see a panicked old lady or maybe I'm paranoid.
Then the doctor came back and took my vital signs again and suggested that my heart was racing. She asked if that happened a lot. I said I had had another major panic attack about 4 years ago.
She scheduled me for an echocardiogram. She suggested that I take tranquilizers for the rest of my life.
I have tranquilizers now but am trying not to use them unless I am nervous again.
I just took one.
Now I am wearing a heart monitor for two weeks. Now I'm worried about heart disease!
But it has occurred to me that a heart racing in the middle of a panic attack right after I injured my foot from trying to kick my way out of a restroom might not be indicative of heart disease. At least I hope not.
And it also occurred to me that two panic attacks in four years might not indicate the need for a lifetime of meds. Of course, I've had a lot of anxiety attacks and much insomnia and general nervousness during these last few years so I have an appointment with some kind of evaluating shrink on the 21st.
Days are hard, but nights are scarier. This has been a confusing, frightening and very lonely time in my life.
Morning finally arrived. Still shaking and sweating, heart pounding, I saw a doctor.
While waiting in the room while the doctor took a break, I had to use the restroom (lingering effects of my last UTI).
A nurse directed me to a restroom marked RESTROOM. I went in and used the restroom...then I discovered the door required a special code on a keyboard to get out! (Later I found out it was a staff restroom though not marked as such). I knocked and screamed for a few minutes. I realized it was mid day on a Friday and I pictured myself locked in for the weekend.
It's easy to imagine the worst during a panic attack.
So...I went crazy, screamed, and kicked the door, ready to break it down. My panic attack went into full gear. Someone came and let me out. I heard a lot of nurses talking softly and giggling (I was the only patient there). I guess maybe it was funny to see a panicked old lady or maybe I'm paranoid.
Then the doctor came back and took my vital signs again and suggested that my heart was racing. She asked if that happened a lot. I said I had had another major panic attack about 4 years ago.
She scheduled me for an echocardiogram. She suggested that I take tranquilizers for the rest of my life.
I have tranquilizers now but am trying not to use them unless I am nervous again.
I just took one.
Now I am wearing a heart monitor for two weeks. Now I'm worried about heart disease!
But it has occurred to me that a heart racing in the middle of a panic attack right after I injured my foot from trying to kick my way out of a restroom might not be indicative of heart disease. At least I hope not.
And it also occurred to me that two panic attacks in four years might not indicate the need for a lifetime of meds. Of course, I've had a lot of anxiety attacks and much insomnia and general nervousness during these last few years so I have an appointment with some kind of evaluating shrink on the 21st.
Days are hard, but nights are scarier. This has been a confusing, frightening and very lonely time in my life.
70-79, F
