I Am On a Self Improvement Journey

Okay... so I am on the journey of self-improvement. I have struggled with feelings of depression and low self-worth for a long time now and it's affecting my ability to accomplish my goals and my happiness. It gets deeper than that but that's not the topic per se for this post.

So, one of my issues is avoidance behavior. I do many things to avoid feeling what I feel, experience the intense sadness or disappointment in myself, so I don't have to address my life and those behaviors that are destructive in the long run and ---and for me they include things like excessive sleep, TV and FB, eating poorly. But I've come to the realizations that reading (very good and helpful) self-help books is on the list of distractions! F*CK ME!!!! haha

I just finished a really good book (several books actually quite recently) and there are exercises to try and questions to answer and things to ponder, activities to add to your life- ACTIONS that really could make a difference so why am I online looking for more books??? when I haven't even begun to do the activities in these three books I just finished? smdh at myself

The advice, the research, the (possible) outcomes means absolutely nothing if you don't begin to incorporate the behaviors and suggestions and changes and new thought processes, and challenging your old ways.... I am just filling this hole in my life with self-help books so what is freaking stopping me from "doing the work"? Is it just that I'm lazy or does it go deeper than that?

That question is what lead me to a search for yet another book, the holy grail, the one book that will change my life with zero effort like a light bulb will switch on and everything will be different from that moment forward.... so what am I resisting?

I read a pretty good book from Andy Hunt called "Getting Out Of Your Own Way". Written by a guy who does EFT out of Britain. He has a blog called Practical Wellness. Whether you believe in EFT or not, isn't the point and the book is quite practical whether you try the EFT or not- the questions be poses are enlightening in and of themselves. Talk about bring your crap up to the surface!

I bring him up because he has a section on resistance (which should be bigger cause I speculate the reason the self-help publishing industry is so big is because many of us loyal, avid readers intellectually read these books and the advice is helpful but because of some internal resistance... we never act on most of what we read and learn) that I found quite illuminating.

He claims that there are 2 types of resistance... 1. resistance to change and 2. resistance to doing what you need to do to change. I don't believe I suffer from the first one but #2 has my name all over it and he offers an activity to address it and I've only completed half of it which I found totally enlightening (go figure, duh!) but instead of completing the exercise... I started and finished yet another book with even more activities and then I went looking for more books. UGH! What the hell is wrong with me? hahahaha

The Sedona Method also has a pretty great section on resistance too. I am committed to healing my life so I will do the exercises. I am very aware of my need or desire to avoid the work and I am searching for an easy solution. This is my scribe today as part of my miracle morning routine. I have a few more things to do and then breakfast. I know it's almost lunch time but it's my "morning". LOL

P.S.
I have some ideas on why I am resisting the work. One is my laziness. I am sure part of it is being lazy and that is part of my bad habit package (normal sh*t) but two is even more insidious and problematic... I don't think it's fair that in order for me to be happy, I have to do all this work and that I have to do all this "fixing me" and I RESENT it. I RESENT IT TO MY VERY CORE!!! Others have it so easy, why does my life have to be so damn hard? I want to be happy. I want to be at peace. I want to feel safe. I want to be content. Why do others have it so easy and I must struggle just to find a reason to get out of bed everyday. Why was I cursed with depression that has ruined my life? That doesn't seem fair. I think this is where the bulk of my resistance comes from. Why do I have to do all this work and another person can just be happy and carefree so easily? Why am I the one broken?

Talk about some really screwed up self-talk and limiting beliefs... I'm working on it though! 😊 Thanks for reading...

fources · 41-45, M

Thanks for sharing. I think you just need to remember that nothing good comes easy. Sometimes, we really need to get out of our way, it's very true.

Over the years, I have read a lot of books on self improvement, I am glad I read those books when I did. Life is a journey, we should try our best to enjoy most part of it even if we have to go through some exercises to get the best of it.

I will check the books you mentioned here. Have a great day.

Tony4f4 · 31-35, M

I did the same, reading books after books trying to find the best and effortless way to improve my laziness/productivity. The more books/technique you found just procrastinate the goal you need to archieve.
Later I found its not about the techniques, its about your body, chemical balance in your brain that can affect your motivation to get things done.

aniave · 46-50, F

@Tony4f4: I think the chemical imbalance is huge (and something many people are suffering from and don't even know it). I read Julia Ross's book "The Mood Cure" and I found DLPA keeps me from falling deeply into depression when winter comes. I learned so much from that book and I use much of her advice, although not as consistent as I should. Along with Dr. Amen's book on the brain...