I Experienced Love At First Sight
The Girl At The Bus Stop.
It happened on a tuesday.
The day my life changed forever.
It was tuesday the 1st of september 2015. I had just come back from enrolling into another course at school. I had enrolled for B-TEC Applied science, as I had failed all of my initial courses except for one, the one I hated most - performance studies. I was on a bus, a 155, going home, coming from Balham where my 6th form college was located. I was sitting on the top deck of the 155, contemplating on life and my purpose, if I had one. I was wondering if God had plans for me, which He hoped I could fulfil. I was also wondering when He would reveal this "purpose" to me.
As the bus jumped and swayed, I was praying and hoping that the next year would be better than the last, as the year before wasn't as good or half as good as I expected it to be. But aside from that, the most important thing I was thinking about was...
A girl.
The sweetest girl I had ever met, the nicest and shyest of them all. I was regretting the decision I had made. The decision to quit biology and never see her face again. I was depressed as I knew I would never get to talk to her, even though we would eventually be in the same math class later but I was unaware of this at the time. I was thinking about what I thought she thought of me. I was wondering if she ever felt the same way I did.
The last few days I was regretting not speaking to her more often, when I had the chance. I was feeling more and more depressed as I realised she would never know how I felt. I was hoping and praying that she didn't decide to leave the college and go to another, leaving me alone, confused and heartbroken. And even though I would never get to speak to her - as we would be in different classes - I could still admire her sweet face whenever I "accidentally" bump into her freckled, fragile body in the narrow corridors of Saint Francis Xavier.
I hoped that maybe something would happen between us. I wondered if this was a one way thing and that I was just thinking too much about it, because I thought that know one could possibly be interested in a guy like me, the weirdest guy in the history of weird men.
If there ever was one, I was it.
I felt sad and alone as I realised also that I didn't really have any friends I could talk to. I mean there was Ryan and Adrian but they had their own thing going on, well at least Ryan did and they studied different subjects than the ones I did at the time, plus I rarely spoke to them.
As the bus continued to occasionally stop at various bus stops, I was slowly accepting the fact that she probably didn't like me. That I should probably get over her even though I never did pluck up the courage to tell her how I felt or ask her how she felt. I mean when it came to girls I wasn't very confident, I would get awkward and act like a total weirdo especially when it came to girls that I liked. I would get nervous and hardly make eye contact with them as I talked, making it seem like I'm interested in the dents in the wall than the pretty girl standing in front of me.
This was a thing I couldn't control and the thing I hated most about myself.
I just wasn't confident enough.
I wanted to be like the cool guys, you know, easy going, easy to talk to, great listener (well ok, I am a great listener, especially if you're talking about something interesting, if you're not, then watch me faze out into a manikin right in front of your very eyes, or I would just totally ignore you even if you're staring RIGHT at me, I would act like I'm interested in the pattern of the table or the goosebumps on my skin, but in fact I'm not!!! I liked her, I wanted to talk to her but I couldn't because......... Because I was a nervous wreck.) I wanted to be able to be confident to tell her how I felt, even though I knew it would be embarrassing for me, but I was just not that guy....
As the bus continued down the road, I realised that I was nearing my first stop. The bus stop which I had to wait at for my second bus. I hit the bus stop button and put on my bag making my way down the small and narrow stairs. As I was doing this I finally and sadly accepted that I should probably let her go, because I realised that if she liked me, she would have told me so already and made it easier for me. I also concluded that she most definitely didn't like me as she rarely spoke to me in lessons, even though I thought it might have been because she was very shy. BUT it was most probably because she hated my guts. I was sad about this but I realised it was probably better this way, even though I would probably remain alone for the rest of my life, I would cherish the experience, unless God had chosen someone special for me, which I hoped He did. Although we were never a couple, I still felt heartbroken.
I had decided to give up in her and try my best to forget about her.
Finally the bus had reached my stop, it was time to get off. As I jumped off the bus I noticed something, or more specifically I caught a glimpse of....
A girl.
A beautiful stranger.
A girl more prettier than my crush.
My other half.
The one God had chosen for me.
I just knew.
The one I could only truly be happy with.
My soul mate.
As I stood at the bus stop, I realised that my depression was slowly fading away, as I felt this weird and fascinating connection to this girl. I didn't make eye contact with her, because I could feel her staring and smiling at me from the corner of my eye and I didn't want to seem weird, so I quickly sat next to her, a few feet away, on the red bus stop bench.
As cliché and silly as it may sound, it was love at first sight or love at first presence as I had yet to fully see her face. It almost seemed unrealistic, like a romantic movie. I did believe in love at first sight but I didn't think it was actually possible. I should have felt guilty for loving another girl but I didn't, my crush hardly crossed my mind during this experience, she had vanished.
I quickly snuck a peak, because I just could not get enough of her. Even looking at the side of her face, I could tell she was beautiful. I kept glancing at her nervously, taking in as much of her as I could, but it was never enough. I was craving to see her face, like a man gasping for air at a high altitude. And every now and then, as I looked away I could feel her doing the same thing, sneaking a peak at me. All the while I had a relapse of stomach jolts and intoxication.
This happened back and forth for what seemed like almost an hour, and with each passing minute, I was drawn deeper and deeper into this strange experience.
As my depression completely dissapeard, I noticed my other bus approaching. I sadly got up to get on the bus, letting a lot of people in before me so I wouldn't have to leave her. I got on the bus and quickly got up to the top deck, hoping she would get on board and come up too.
She did.
I longed and hoped to get a proper look at her face like a drug addict itching for their next fix. I was obsessed with her.
I could hear someone coming up the small narrow stairs of the bus.
It was her.
I didn't notice at first but she was with a friend, a girl, directly behind her. They both walked past my seat and at last I saw her face...
She was out of this world.
I mean, her face, her body, her features so perfect. Each working in perfect harmony to create such a perfect being. I never thought anyone could be so gorgeous, she was insanely pretty but it didn't seem like she was wearing any makeup. She looked like an angel. She was divine. Her eyes, her hair, her nose, her mouth, her eyebrows, her eye lashes, her chin, her lips, her ears, all of them in perfect symmetry with one another. I was breathless, my heart felt like it was trying to pump its way out of my chest. All the while I still felt this strange attraction to her. It wasn't a physical one, more like a spiritual one. I felt like I knew her, I felt like I could feel whatever she felt. It felt almost like every emotion I felt was being absorbed by her and was being reflected back to me.
She walked past the seat next to mine and sat directly it with , with her friend, whom I barely noticed.
All thoughts of my crush had completely left my mind. I was transfixed by a total stranger. Yet it felt like I knew her. As she sat directly behind me, I got out my phone and fiddled around with it, pretending like I was doing something.
I was deliriously happy, it felt like God had sent an angel from heaven just for me.
I wanted to say something, but I just couldn't. I was extremely nervous and slightly scared. Instead, I fiddled around with my phone some more.
I heard a voice behind me.
I thought it was her.
I listened to the voice, it was a soft voice, very sweet but it didn't sound like her, I don't how I knew then but I just couldn't place that voice with the angelic face I just saw. It didn't sound right. It didn't sound perfect.
It was her friend.
Then I heard another voice reply.
My heart stopped.
It was her.
I just knew.
Her voice too sounded angelic. It was perfect. Just like the rest of her. It was calming, almost hypnotic. Sort of like the sound of the wind. It was electrifying, it seemed like with every word she spoke the stronger the pull I felt toward her. I snuck a peak at her from the corner of my eye and immediately I felt my heart beat fast against my chest.
I was in love.
It felt like whatever I felt, she felt it too. I could tell she was moved as she spoke very softly, but loud enough for me to hear, very aware that I was listening.
I wanted to look at her face again but I didn't want to seem weird, I just could not get enough of this girl. I could tell this was the same for her, as I could feel her penetrating glare on my neck. It was awesome. To have this clear and amazing connection with a girl without saying a word.
I meditated on her words as she spoke to her friend, barely focusing on the topic of the conversation, just wanting to hear the sound of her voice. It was alluring, it sent chills down my spine. I was slightly confused but also deliriously happy as this beautiful strange girl seemed to be connected with me some how, I wanted to stay on the bus forever and just listen to her voice, as a rollercoaster of emotions went up and down my body.
But my last stop was nearing.
I wanted to stay.
Yet I had to go.
I wanted to say something.
Yet I stayed quiet.
I wanted to ask how she felt.
Yet I stayed quiet.
I wanted to find out more about her.
But I stayed quiet.
I turned around and reached my hand behind me to press the stop button, which was right in front her, catching a glimpse of her face as she looked down. My God, she was so so pretty. I felt like screaming at the top of my lungs, confessing my love for her to the world, I even felt like proposing to her but that was absurd, I hardly knew her, but then again I felt like I did. I wanted to grab her and take her to the back of the bus to talk with her.
Yet I stayed still.
Instead I grabbed my bag, and started walking towards the stairs. All of a sudden an overwhelming feeling of longing hits me. My body felt like it was being electrocuted.
It was her.
She didn't want me to leave.
I couldn't leave.
I didn't want to leave.
Yet I continued walking.
The bus jolted and swayed and I had a hard time getting to the stairs, even though it was a few feet in front of me.
It seemed like even the bus itself didn't want me to leave.
I jolted and swayed as the bus tilted like a boat out at sea in a terrible storm. I held on tight to the handle bar and finally reached the stairs.
At this point my eyes were watering but I wasn't crying. I felt extremely sad as I could feel her longing for me. I felt this strong and overwhelming pull towards this girl. The connection was so strong, I could almost hear it. At the same time my heart was racing. I turned to look at her.
Our eyes met.
Our eyes met for what seemed like eternity, or perhaps just a second or two in reality, and I just had to look away. I didn't know why, but if I had stared any longer I would have thrown up. It was a perfect blend of ecstasy and fear. My adrenalin was pumping and my heart was beating so hard I could feel my tongue vibrating in sync.
Within moments, I realized I was addicted to her. I wanted her. I needed her. I couldn't survive without her. I just had to look back at her and stare at her beautiful face. I couldn’t help thinking she must have been an angel from heaven. She was beyond an inspiration.
Our eyes met again and at that moment, in an instant beyond time fr<x>ames, I came face to face with a new emotion.
It was overwhelming in all senses of the word.
My stomach jolted and twisted in coils and I wanted to throw up. My body heated up instantly like I was experiencing spontaneous human combustion, and I felt dizzy and numb.
But yet, with all these horrible emotions flowing through me, I felt deliriously happy. And I felt so light, like I could fly, no, like I could just turn into gas and poof! Barely did I see her face for a few seconds and my world stopped for a moment, and everything blurred into oblivion, everything but her beautiful face. Her beautiful eyes.
As we stared, it seemed like everything else around us would disappear, the chairs, the people on the bus, her friend, the handle bar, the ceiling and lastly even the bus itself. Even now till this day, I still can't remember how any of the people on the bus looked, or how her friend looked even though she was sitting right next to her.
It was just me and her.
It reminded me of the scene in the movie Lucy, where she's in that never-ending white room with the scientists, like in the Matrix but it was just me and her. Her eyes were sad, like mine. They were watery also. It almost seemed like looking into a mirror, it was almost like we were the same person. I could feel her longing for me. And I could tell she felt me longing for her. Our hearts were so entwined. So connected. My love for her radiating of me. Her love for me radiating of her. I almost couldn't stop myself kissing her.
I did not want to leave.
But I had too.
It was hard, but I looked away, it was extremely painful. I didn't want to hurt her, but it felt like I had.
As I walked down the stairs to the bottom deck, I could still feel the connection. The magnetic-like attraction. The strong pull.
Even today as I write this story, I still feel her. I feel her in my heart of hearts. I feel her everyday. There hasn't been a day where I haven't thought about her at least once.
Anyway, I finally get to the bottom deck and let out a big sigh. I thought that was amazing. I was deliriously happy.
I got off the bus and walked, a big fat smile on my face. Her face was printed on my brain, I just could not forget her. That gorgeous face, those beautiful sad eyes.
Then a wave of sadness hits me.
As I realised I had not asked for her number, or at least a way of contacting her.
I was such a fool.
I walked home now sad, looking back at the bus, which was still there at the bus stop, not moving.
There had been no one waiting to get on the bus and I was the only person who had gotten off.
It seemed strange.
It almost seemed like it was waiting for me. It wanted me back on the bus.
She wanted me back on the bus.
Instead I sadly turned and went home. Half smiling, half frowning, as I didn't know what to feel. I loved this stranger and I prayed I would see her again.
I hoped to see her again. Maybe this time I'll be able to at least talk to her.
It happened on a tuesday.
The day my life changed forever.
It was tuesday the 1st of september 2015. I had just come back from enrolling into another course at school. I had enrolled for B-TEC Applied science, as I had failed all of my initial courses except for one, the one I hated most - performance studies. I was on a bus, a 155, going home, coming from Balham where my 6th form college was located. I was sitting on the top deck of the 155, contemplating on life and my purpose, if I had one. I was wondering if God had plans for me, which He hoped I could fulfil. I was also wondering when He would reveal this "purpose" to me.
As the bus jumped and swayed, I was praying and hoping that the next year would be better than the last, as the year before wasn't as good or half as good as I expected it to be. But aside from that, the most important thing I was thinking about was...
A girl.
The sweetest girl I had ever met, the nicest and shyest of them all. I was regretting the decision I had made. The decision to quit biology and never see her face again. I was depressed as I knew I would never get to talk to her, even though we would eventually be in the same math class later but I was unaware of this at the time. I was thinking about what I thought she thought of me. I was wondering if she ever felt the same way I did.
The last few days I was regretting not speaking to her more often, when I had the chance. I was feeling more and more depressed as I realised she would never know how I felt. I was hoping and praying that she didn't decide to leave the college and go to another, leaving me alone, confused and heartbroken. And even though I would never get to speak to her - as we would be in different classes - I could still admire her sweet face whenever I "accidentally" bump into her freckled, fragile body in the narrow corridors of Saint Francis Xavier.
I hoped that maybe something would happen between us. I wondered if this was a one way thing and that I was just thinking too much about it, because I thought that know one could possibly be interested in a guy like me, the weirdest guy in the history of weird men.
If there ever was one, I was it.
I felt sad and alone as I realised also that I didn't really have any friends I could talk to. I mean there was Ryan and Adrian but they had their own thing going on, well at least Ryan did and they studied different subjects than the ones I did at the time, plus I rarely spoke to them.
As the bus continued to occasionally stop at various bus stops, I was slowly accepting the fact that she probably didn't like me. That I should probably get over her even though I never did pluck up the courage to tell her how I felt or ask her how she felt. I mean when it came to girls I wasn't very confident, I would get awkward and act like a total weirdo especially when it came to girls that I liked. I would get nervous and hardly make eye contact with them as I talked, making it seem like I'm interested in the dents in the wall than the pretty girl standing in front of me.
This was a thing I couldn't control and the thing I hated most about myself.
I just wasn't confident enough.
I wanted to be like the cool guys, you know, easy going, easy to talk to, great listener (well ok, I am a great listener, especially if you're talking about something interesting, if you're not, then watch me faze out into a manikin right in front of your very eyes, or I would just totally ignore you even if you're staring RIGHT at me, I would act like I'm interested in the pattern of the table or the goosebumps on my skin, but in fact I'm not!!! I liked her, I wanted to talk to her but I couldn't because......... Because I was a nervous wreck.) I wanted to be able to be confident to tell her how I felt, even though I knew it would be embarrassing for me, but I was just not that guy....
As the bus continued down the road, I realised that I was nearing my first stop. The bus stop which I had to wait at for my second bus. I hit the bus stop button and put on my bag making my way down the small and narrow stairs. As I was doing this I finally and sadly accepted that I should probably let her go, because I realised that if she liked me, she would have told me so already and made it easier for me. I also concluded that she most definitely didn't like me as she rarely spoke to me in lessons, even though I thought it might have been because she was very shy. BUT it was most probably because she hated my guts. I was sad about this but I realised it was probably better this way, even though I would probably remain alone for the rest of my life, I would cherish the experience, unless God had chosen someone special for me, which I hoped He did. Although we were never a couple, I still felt heartbroken.
I had decided to give up in her and try my best to forget about her.
Finally the bus had reached my stop, it was time to get off. As I jumped off the bus I noticed something, or more specifically I caught a glimpse of....
A girl.
A beautiful stranger.
A girl more prettier than my crush.
My other half.
The one God had chosen for me.
I just knew.
The one I could only truly be happy with.
My soul mate.
As I stood at the bus stop, I realised that my depression was slowly fading away, as I felt this weird and fascinating connection to this girl. I didn't make eye contact with her, because I could feel her staring and smiling at me from the corner of my eye and I didn't want to seem weird, so I quickly sat next to her, a few feet away, on the red bus stop bench.
As cliché and silly as it may sound, it was love at first sight or love at first presence as I had yet to fully see her face. It almost seemed unrealistic, like a romantic movie. I did believe in love at first sight but I didn't think it was actually possible. I should have felt guilty for loving another girl but I didn't, my crush hardly crossed my mind during this experience, she had vanished.
I quickly snuck a peak, because I just could not get enough of her. Even looking at the side of her face, I could tell she was beautiful. I kept glancing at her nervously, taking in as much of her as I could, but it was never enough. I was craving to see her face, like a man gasping for air at a high altitude. And every now and then, as I looked away I could feel her doing the same thing, sneaking a peak at me. All the while I had a relapse of stomach jolts and intoxication.
This happened back and forth for what seemed like almost an hour, and with each passing minute, I was drawn deeper and deeper into this strange experience.
As my depression completely dissapeard, I noticed my other bus approaching. I sadly got up to get on the bus, letting a lot of people in before me so I wouldn't have to leave her. I got on the bus and quickly got up to the top deck, hoping she would get on board and come up too.
She did.
I longed and hoped to get a proper look at her face like a drug addict itching for their next fix. I was obsessed with her.
I could hear someone coming up the small narrow stairs of the bus.
It was her.
I didn't notice at first but she was with a friend, a girl, directly behind her. They both walked past my seat and at last I saw her face...
She was out of this world.
I mean, her face, her body, her features so perfect. Each working in perfect harmony to create such a perfect being. I never thought anyone could be so gorgeous, she was insanely pretty but it didn't seem like she was wearing any makeup. She looked like an angel. She was divine. Her eyes, her hair, her nose, her mouth, her eyebrows, her eye lashes, her chin, her lips, her ears, all of them in perfect symmetry with one another. I was breathless, my heart felt like it was trying to pump its way out of my chest. All the while I still felt this strange attraction to her. It wasn't a physical one, more like a spiritual one. I felt like I knew her, I felt like I could feel whatever she felt. It felt almost like every emotion I felt was being absorbed by her and was being reflected back to me.
She walked past the seat next to mine and sat directly it with , with her friend, whom I barely noticed.
All thoughts of my crush had completely left my mind. I was transfixed by a total stranger. Yet it felt like I knew her. As she sat directly behind me, I got out my phone and fiddled around with it, pretending like I was doing something.
I was deliriously happy, it felt like God had sent an angel from heaven just for me.
I wanted to say something, but I just couldn't. I was extremely nervous and slightly scared. Instead, I fiddled around with my phone some more.
I heard a voice behind me.
I thought it was her.
I listened to the voice, it was a soft voice, very sweet but it didn't sound like her, I don't how I knew then but I just couldn't place that voice with the angelic face I just saw. It didn't sound right. It didn't sound perfect.
It was her friend.
Then I heard another voice reply.
My heart stopped.
It was her.
I just knew.
Her voice too sounded angelic. It was perfect. Just like the rest of her. It was calming, almost hypnotic. Sort of like the sound of the wind. It was electrifying, it seemed like with every word she spoke the stronger the pull I felt toward her. I snuck a peak at her from the corner of my eye and immediately I felt my heart beat fast against my chest.
I was in love.
It felt like whatever I felt, she felt it too. I could tell she was moved as she spoke very softly, but loud enough for me to hear, very aware that I was listening.
I wanted to look at her face again but I didn't want to seem weird, I just could not get enough of this girl. I could tell this was the same for her, as I could feel her penetrating glare on my neck. It was awesome. To have this clear and amazing connection with a girl without saying a word.
I meditated on her words as she spoke to her friend, barely focusing on the topic of the conversation, just wanting to hear the sound of her voice. It was alluring, it sent chills down my spine. I was slightly confused but also deliriously happy as this beautiful strange girl seemed to be connected with me some how, I wanted to stay on the bus forever and just listen to her voice, as a rollercoaster of emotions went up and down my body.
But my last stop was nearing.
I wanted to stay.
Yet I had to go.
I wanted to say something.
Yet I stayed quiet.
I wanted to ask how she felt.
Yet I stayed quiet.
I wanted to find out more about her.
But I stayed quiet.
I turned around and reached my hand behind me to press the stop button, which was right in front her, catching a glimpse of her face as she looked down. My God, she was so so pretty. I felt like screaming at the top of my lungs, confessing my love for her to the world, I even felt like proposing to her but that was absurd, I hardly knew her, but then again I felt like I did. I wanted to grab her and take her to the back of the bus to talk with her.
Yet I stayed still.
Instead I grabbed my bag, and started walking towards the stairs. All of a sudden an overwhelming feeling of longing hits me. My body felt like it was being electrocuted.
It was her.
She didn't want me to leave.
I couldn't leave.
I didn't want to leave.
Yet I continued walking.
The bus jolted and swayed and I had a hard time getting to the stairs, even though it was a few feet in front of me.
It seemed like even the bus itself didn't want me to leave.
I jolted and swayed as the bus tilted like a boat out at sea in a terrible storm. I held on tight to the handle bar and finally reached the stairs.
At this point my eyes were watering but I wasn't crying. I felt extremely sad as I could feel her longing for me. I felt this strong and overwhelming pull towards this girl. The connection was so strong, I could almost hear it. At the same time my heart was racing. I turned to look at her.
Our eyes met.
Our eyes met for what seemed like eternity, or perhaps just a second or two in reality, and I just had to look away. I didn't know why, but if I had stared any longer I would have thrown up. It was a perfect blend of ecstasy and fear. My adrenalin was pumping and my heart was beating so hard I could feel my tongue vibrating in sync.
Within moments, I realized I was addicted to her. I wanted her. I needed her. I couldn't survive without her. I just had to look back at her and stare at her beautiful face. I couldn’t help thinking she must have been an angel from heaven. She was beyond an inspiration.
Our eyes met again and at that moment, in an instant beyond time fr<x>ames, I came face to face with a new emotion.
It was overwhelming in all senses of the word.
My stomach jolted and twisted in coils and I wanted to throw up. My body heated up instantly like I was experiencing spontaneous human combustion, and I felt dizzy and numb.
But yet, with all these horrible emotions flowing through me, I felt deliriously happy. And I felt so light, like I could fly, no, like I could just turn into gas and poof! Barely did I see her face for a few seconds and my world stopped for a moment, and everything blurred into oblivion, everything but her beautiful face. Her beautiful eyes.
As we stared, it seemed like everything else around us would disappear, the chairs, the people on the bus, her friend, the handle bar, the ceiling and lastly even the bus itself. Even now till this day, I still can't remember how any of the people on the bus looked, or how her friend looked even though she was sitting right next to her.
It was just me and her.
It reminded me of the scene in the movie Lucy, where she's in that never-ending white room with the scientists, like in the Matrix but it was just me and her. Her eyes were sad, like mine. They were watery also. It almost seemed like looking into a mirror, it was almost like we were the same person. I could feel her longing for me. And I could tell she felt me longing for her. Our hearts were so entwined. So connected. My love for her radiating of me. Her love for me radiating of her. I almost couldn't stop myself kissing her.
I did not want to leave.
But I had too.
It was hard, but I looked away, it was extremely painful. I didn't want to hurt her, but it felt like I had.
As I walked down the stairs to the bottom deck, I could still feel the connection. The magnetic-like attraction. The strong pull.
Even today as I write this story, I still feel her. I feel her in my heart of hearts. I feel her everyday. There hasn't been a day where I haven't thought about her at least once.
Anyway, I finally get to the bottom deck and let out a big sigh. I thought that was amazing. I was deliriously happy.
I got off the bus and walked, a big fat smile on my face. Her face was printed on my brain, I just could not forget her. That gorgeous face, those beautiful sad eyes.
Then a wave of sadness hits me.
As I realised I had not asked for her number, or at least a way of contacting her.
I was such a fool.
I walked home now sad, looking back at the bus, which was still there at the bus stop, not moving.
There had been no one waiting to get on the bus and I was the only person who had gotten off.
It seemed strange.
It almost seemed like it was waiting for me. It wanted me back on the bus.
She wanted me back on the bus.
Instead I sadly turned and went home. Half smiling, half frowning, as I didn't know what to feel. I loved this stranger and I prayed I would see her again.
I hoped to see her again. Maybe this time I'll be able to at least talk to her.
26-30, M
