I Have Issues
Friendship Issues: It is not like I have issues with my friends, it's that I have issues being a friend. By nature and without thought, I am a very loving, generous, sympathetic, passionate, and overly romantic. Don't mean to be, I just am. I have big emotions because I have a big heart. For getting a lover this is not a issue but getting a friend. Having big emotions does make it an issue.
People are always saying to me, "I have a ... you know?" or "Sorry you are so great but I am not looking right now" or "You are just too nice! No one is as nice as you unless you are trying to use me. Piss off" or "Why are you so amazing to me? What do you want?" or even "Look I don't want to be your friend because no one acts like you unless they are up to something. I don't know or want to know what you are up too so leave me alone." When I am sitting here wondering why being a amazing friend to people, means I am doing something bad.
I will write my friends poems every time they have a bad day, I will send them cards when I know they depressed so they know they are alone, I will ALWAYS send everyone I know flowers on holidays because a flower is better then a card, I always look out for my friends so they don't get hurt, there has never been a time where I DID'T put my whole life on pause for a friend who just needed a hug, and I honestly don't know how to just be anything less then this. I have tried so many times to be "just friends" by other people rules and it just not me. If someone does something I like, I explode with love for them. If someone tries to get the smallest smile out of me, I will smile from ear to ear every time I talk to them. If someone goes out of there way for me then I do also but only ten more times.
With my heart [i]small things[/i] mean [big]BIG EMOTIONS[/big]. I can't help this and I can't be friends with people by their standers of being "friends". No, because to me that is how I treat strangers. If someone is special to me, then I treat them that way. So after going threw so many people who told me what is okay for a friend to do and what is not okay. I want a friend who let's me set the lines on what is okay and what is not okay. To let me have control over these unseen lines of friendships and just let me be who I am.
Also if you are out there wondering, "How do you treat you lovers then, if you treat you friends this way?" Everyone of my EX's can agree, I have the power to make people's hearts melt in my hands. I am that great of a lover and proud to say that I blow people's mind when they hear about the things I did for people I was with. Sadly though I am single because people can't handle my love. Clearly my friends can't either. Curse of having a big heart I guess.
People are always saying to me, "I have a ... you know?" or "Sorry you are so great but I am not looking right now" or "You are just too nice! No one is as nice as you unless you are trying to use me. Piss off" or "Why are you so amazing to me? What do you want?" or even "Look I don't want to be your friend because no one acts like you unless they are up to something. I don't know or want to know what you are up too so leave me alone." When I am sitting here wondering why being a amazing friend to people, means I am doing something bad.
I will write my friends poems every time they have a bad day, I will send them cards when I know they depressed so they know they are alone, I will ALWAYS send everyone I know flowers on holidays because a flower is better then a card, I always look out for my friends so they don't get hurt, there has never been a time where I DID'T put my whole life on pause for a friend who just needed a hug, and I honestly don't know how to just be anything less then this. I have tried so many times to be "just friends" by other people rules and it just not me. If someone does something I like, I explode with love for them. If someone tries to get the smallest smile out of me, I will smile from ear to ear every time I talk to them. If someone goes out of there way for me then I do also but only ten more times.
With my heart [i]small things[/i] mean [big]BIG EMOTIONS[/big]. I can't help this and I can't be friends with people by their standers of being "friends". No, because to me that is how I treat strangers. If someone is special to me, then I treat them that way. So after going threw so many people who told me what is okay for a friend to do and what is not okay. I want a friend who let's me set the lines on what is okay and what is not okay. To let me have control over these unseen lines of friendships and just let me be who I am.
Also if you are out there wondering, "How do you treat you lovers then, if you treat you friends this way?" Everyone of my EX's can agree, I have the power to make people's hearts melt in my hands. I am that great of a lover and proud to say that I blow people's mind when they hear about the things I did for people I was with. Sadly though I am single because people can't handle my love. Clearly my friends can't either. Curse of having a big heart I guess.
26-30, M
