I Am Scared to Leap, Scared of Pursuing a Relationship

Do you want a serious relationship with someone? I think I'm just really scared of being in a relationship because I don't want to get hurt and I don't want to hurt anyone else either. I'm also extremely proud and stubborn about being independent and strong. Which is important and you should love yourself first. Also I'm not conventionally pretty. I'm not skinny or in shape. Also I feel so much and am so open and my face cannot hide my feelings at all. I'm not into sports but I'm not an introverted video game player either. I am just in the middle of everything. And I'm worried what people think of me because I don't want to be used but I still want to be accepted. And at work I don't want to be immature and cross a line.
I am so scared of becoming abusive like my dad and I am scared of not having any support system.
And I'm sick of getting butterflies for people and not having the courage to ask them out or the butterflies to just stop.
I don't even know if I want to be in a relationship with someone because I know that I don't love myself completely. Also I don't want to enter into a relationship for the wrong reasons. I don't want to be in a relationship just because someone else does.
I tend to jump in and then run away.