I Think About Death and Dying
I read a poem yesterday which lead me to think that I will only really live once I'm gone. It wasn't really the meaning of the poem but it is how I interpreted it.
How you ask? The moment you start remembering the memories you had with the person, the things and words you should've said and done and the things you shouldn't have done. It only starts after one dies. It's sad but it's mostly the case. I would only live in the hearts of others once I'm not breathing anymore. Remembered out of their own selfishness. Not remembered because they truly loved and cared about me. After a few months past, life would go about and I will be forgotten forever.
People take people for granted.
Now I'm alive and breathing. No one knows me and no one cares. Always the last option. Fucked up too many times. I think I bring negativity everywhere. Sorry about that.
Life isn't really for me. Yeah I could go and be positive, change how I perceive life blah blah blah. It honestly sounds tiring. Knowing me it would only last for abouuuut 2 weeks max.
The only thing that kept me alive before, when I still believed in religion, is the thought of going to hell and sufferring even more. Now the only thing that keeps me alive are the questions of what if? What if life isn't really that fucked up? I would always answer, life has its ups and downs, and Me, you're not up for the downs.
My mom would be sad. I know it would not last forever. Because after you're remembered, you will be forgotten forever, like you always had been for the past years.
Since I was a kid, I always knew I wouldn't last for long. When I was 14 I really wanted to die. Now I want to die even more but I promised myself to give life a chance. I'm going to do everything I've always wanted to do in my list. Live like I'm going to die next year because I might.
Sunday,November 20, 2016
10:26 A.M
How you ask? The moment you start remembering the memories you had with the person, the things and words you should've said and done and the things you shouldn't have done. It only starts after one dies. It's sad but it's mostly the case. I would only live in the hearts of others once I'm not breathing anymore. Remembered out of their own selfishness. Not remembered because they truly loved and cared about me. After a few months past, life would go about and I will be forgotten forever.
People take people for granted.
Now I'm alive and breathing. No one knows me and no one cares. Always the last option. Fucked up too many times. I think I bring negativity everywhere. Sorry about that.
Life isn't really for me. Yeah I could go and be positive, change how I perceive life blah blah blah. It honestly sounds tiring. Knowing me it would only last for abouuuut 2 weeks max.
The only thing that kept me alive before, when I still believed in religion, is the thought of going to hell and sufferring even more. Now the only thing that keeps me alive are the questions of what if? What if life isn't really that fucked up? I would always answer, life has its ups and downs, and Me, you're not up for the downs.
My mom would be sad. I know it would not last forever. Because after you're remembered, you will be forgotten forever, like you always had been for the past years.
Since I was a kid, I always knew I wouldn't last for long. When I was 14 I really wanted to die. Now I want to die even more but I promised myself to give life a chance. I'm going to do everything I've always wanted to do in my list. Live like I'm going to die next year because I might.
Sunday,November 20, 2016
10:26 A.M
