I Wish I Had Better Parents
I know I could have worse parents. The physically abusive kind or the ones that ignore you. I don't have those kind of parents. My parents are good. I just wish that they could be better. Like the kind that you see in classic cheesy sitcoms where if I have a problem, they can sympathize with me and listen and talk to me in a calm and nurturing manner. But I guess that's all fiction. I hate how television shows can give idealistic expectations.
It's all the same now. I hate having conversations with my mom now because it's always predictable. If I tell her how I feel about my dad, she'll be quick to defend him and always tell me he loves me and would do anything for me- making me feel like the bad guy. Yeah, he'll do anything for me except change his tone and attitude around me.I'm not horrible for saying how I feel. Now I don't bother talking to her anymore about anything about him because she's always on his side and never mine.
There's also that my parents argue with everything I say. Like they're so much smarter than me. So I keep my mouth shut every dinner because it's not like they ask my opinion anyways so there's no point in giving it.
My dad says hateful things to me and when I tell him he's hurting my feelings, he doesn't care. He would rather believe it's all in my head than to believe he's done anything wrong. I'm trying this new thing where I try to tell them less. It's just hard to do that since I'm still living with them. No one ever has any good advice to give me. They just keep telling me to hang in there but in the end, every "discussion" I have with my family ends with me crying my eyes out in my room without a single apology from my parents.
It's all the same now. I hate having conversations with my mom now because it's always predictable. If I tell her how I feel about my dad, she'll be quick to defend him and always tell me he loves me and would do anything for me- making me feel like the bad guy. Yeah, he'll do anything for me except change his tone and attitude around me.I'm not horrible for saying how I feel. Now I don't bother talking to her anymore about anything about him because she's always on his side and never mine.
There's also that my parents argue with everything I say. Like they're so much smarter than me. So I keep my mouth shut every dinner because it's not like they ask my opinion anyways so there's no point in giving it.
My dad says hateful things to me and when I tell him he's hurting my feelings, he doesn't care. He would rather believe it's all in my head than to believe he's done anything wrong. I'm trying this new thing where I try to tell them less. It's just hard to do that since I'm still living with them. No one ever has any good advice to give me. They just keep telling me to hang in there but in the end, every "discussion" I have with my family ends with me crying my eyes out in my room without a single apology from my parents.
31-35, F