I Feel Guilty

I want to go back to college, where I can hide in my room alone, study, color, watch anime, or anything else and not feel judged or like a lazy piece of not so nice word. I'm in my hometown for a semester. If I'm watching TV that my mom is watching or sitting in the livingroom going nuts, I don't feel so guilty. Her shows are boring and I feel like I'm going even more crazy. I don't really have any friends here. I haven't hung out with friends in a few weeks, the last time I went to my college town. I'm getting so depressed and the more and more depressed I get, the more I just watch TV. I feel so guilty. I want to get away from people. My mom is always in the livingroom, because she's confined to bed, so I don't get alone time, except when I'm working at the lab. I'm hopefully going to get another job, if things actually not so nice word work out. Then I'd get to hang out with people. Except, at this point I'm so depressed it probably wouldn't matter. Waiting is just making it worse. I get to go to visit my college town this weekend. I'll get to see my roommate and all our friends. I'm so excited! I just hope I feel p to being social, because it's going to have to be my fill for a little while. Basically, thanks for listening. I just needed to rant. I need to find some way at the moment to deal with stuff besides just watching anime, because it makes me feel guilty/anxious to the point my stomach has started bothering me.

Fernie · F

I'm sad for you because you really have no clue how immature and selfish you are acting. Not one clue. You have the rest of your life ahead of you and your Mom is bedridden. Poor you!!!!Not entertained enough! Not having any fun! Look within kiddo and get a good look at yourself.

kimtin33 · 26-30, F

Writing and acting are two different things. I'd say writing is better than alternatives in real life. I'm happy around my mom and encouraging. I have not told her how much I hate is place and how much I want to go home, because it'd upset her. In a month or two, hopefully her wound will heal and she will no longer be bedridden. Being "bored" for me is not bored how you think. I want to go see friends, because otherwise the anxiety takes over so bad I can't move. No matter how much I "look inside myself" the problem hasn't gone away in years, I survive and see a mess of chemicals that's getting worse. Sadness is pointless. Look from both of our points of view.