I Am Crazy But Apparently Not Crazy Enough For The Looney Bin

My mom has been telling me that I have ADHD and need to see a professional since I was in grade school. It's a legitiment problem, it affects me everywhere. I have all the hallmark symptoms (which is rare in a girl) and then the lesser-known ones like poor self-regulation. It's not severe, but not mild either. My grades are slipping as a result, and I really do struggle to get certain things done and not get yelled at by teachers and coaches constantly. I never wanted to get a proper diagnosis because I figured that a lot of job prospects could go out the window because I'm sick in the head, and I couldn't go into space, which has been my dream since I was little.

I finally caved in last week and agreed to see a psych. My mother immediately relented, saying "maybe I was a little too harsh on you." and as the week progressed as kept trying to instill in me that I was just highly disorganized. She clearly doesn't want me to see a psych, and that bothers me. Calling me crazy until I want to get help for the crazy, and then going back on it.

I feel like shit right now. I'm angry at my mom, I'm frustrated at how my life is right now, and upset because I don't know what to do. I want help but I don't want my future and my dreams affected.

I just want to be normal