I Dreams
I Dream Of An Old Crush... I still dream about this one girl I had a serious crush on back in high school. I first dreamed about her in high school. I met her on that trip to Washington DC I talked about in other entries.
The first time I dreamed about her was a few months after school started my senior year. I was going to see her at her house and she was leaving with some friends. She was looking really good. I was embarrassed that I had come over at the wrong time. she smiled and then left. That was the end of the dream.
I fell for her pretty hard. I talked to her every day on the phone and she would regale me with her tales of her high school drama and I was enamored by her, wishing I could live a life so exciting. I even remember getting up enough guts at one time to ask her to let me take her out to dinner and a day later she told me she had just gotten back together with her boyfriend and she couldn't. It was too much for me. I cried after getting off the phone. I cried my ass off. And It drove me into a funk that seemed to last the rest of high school.
Last time I saw her I was in USAF. I stopped by her house on the way back to ba<x>se. She tried to act happy to see me but I could tell she wasn't too enthused. I talked to her one last time. I remember it was the afternoon of the same day that I had that date with that girl named Christie.* At the time I was still a little hung up on her but Christie seemed to turn that around.
But ever since getting here to NJ, I have thought about this girl. I've even had a couple dreams about her. One was where I was telling her how bad I felt that I seemed to push her away. Another was where we had actually met up.
Getting up here to NJ seemed to put me millions of miles away from my past and sort of gave me a chance to redefine myself outside of my home town. But I got to getting lonely and I started looking out on the internet for people in my past, including her. And guess where she now lives. NJ! Why the hell did I have to search for her the way I did? I feel like I opened up a Pandora's Box by searching for her like I did.
Now I have to live with knowing where she lives. I'm constantly desperate to meet up with people I grew up with so I can have some connection with I'm absolutely starving for. Maybe that's why I dream about her.
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* For further details, please read my feature story.
The first time I dreamed about her was a few months after school started my senior year. I was going to see her at her house and she was leaving with some friends. She was looking really good. I was embarrassed that I had come over at the wrong time. she smiled and then left. That was the end of the dream.
I fell for her pretty hard. I talked to her every day on the phone and she would regale me with her tales of her high school drama and I was enamored by her, wishing I could live a life so exciting. I even remember getting up enough guts at one time to ask her to let me take her out to dinner and a day later she told me she had just gotten back together with her boyfriend and she couldn't. It was too much for me. I cried after getting off the phone. I cried my ass off. And It drove me into a funk that seemed to last the rest of high school.
Last time I saw her I was in USAF. I stopped by her house on the way back to ba<x>se. She tried to act happy to see me but I could tell she wasn't too enthused. I talked to her one last time. I remember it was the afternoon of the same day that I had that date with that girl named Christie.* At the time I was still a little hung up on her but Christie seemed to turn that around.
But ever since getting here to NJ, I have thought about this girl. I've even had a couple dreams about her. One was where I was telling her how bad I felt that I seemed to push her away. Another was where we had actually met up.
Getting up here to NJ seemed to put me millions of miles away from my past and sort of gave me a chance to redefine myself outside of my home town. But I got to getting lonely and I started looking out on the internet for people in my past, including her. And guess where she now lives. NJ! Why the hell did I have to search for her the way I did? I feel like I opened up a Pandora's Box by searching for her like I did.
Now I have to live with knowing where she lives. I'm constantly desperate to meet up with people I grew up with so I can have some connection with I'm absolutely starving for. Maybe that's why I dream about her.
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* For further details, please read my feature story.
51-55, MVIP