I Have Written Letters That I Can Never Send
What if you’ve died…?
Dear my
I don’t really know how to call you, but I think you know what I mean…
That day when I have heard you could have died my heart just stops beathing for a moment. I could not belive what I heard… I repeat this statement for about 100 times in a 5 sec…. something just broke inside me. I thought I would start to cry, but I know it would be inappropriate….
I felt so much sorrow inside of me… and the sorrow is still here…I still can not belive…
I just realized in a bl<x>ink of an eye everything I ever knew, everything I ever have, everything I ever love, everything I am, can pass away. This statement just hit me so much in the heart it hurts….it really hurts.
When I came home I cried… I have a million thoughts in my head …what if, what if….and than I remember so many people who have experience this…People lost their loved one before they can told them what they feel, what they want and before they could apologize them….
Just imagine how terrified it is if you know you have to tell something someone and you just couldn’t, because someone passed away….Well I cried so much, I felt deep sorry for those people who couldn’t tell this to the people they know….at that moment I actually cryed for these people….
Well, when I heard you could have died that day…. In my thought came this quote:
Always tell someone how you feel, because opportunities are lost in the bl<x>ink of an eye but regrets can last for a lifetime.
Yet all I could say was: ‘’you scared me, please be careful, and take care’’. As soon as I said this I was sorry. I had so much more to say but It just didn’t want to came out of my mouth…it was like I lost my voice…besides, I could barely hide how I was shaking.
You just looked at me and said: ‘’everything is going to be ok, I’ll take care don’t worry’’…then you hugged me and gently kissed me… I could barely hold the tears back…
And now I want you to know:
I never told you about my feelings, because I shouldn’t feel the way I do. I never told you, because in this situation now - you and I are forbidden. I never told you, because I think you don’t feel the same and I didn’t want to be pathetic. We were going just fine – so why talk about that.
I want you to know, if you have had passed away I think I would died to…I think that in that moment everything would have changed– nohing would felt right anymore. I woudn’t care for the rest of the world and I would do or gave everything, just to have you back or at least to have a moment to tell you this few things which I should already tell you but I didn’t:
You’re the one who make me weak. You’re the only person that I hate and love at the same time. You’re the person I’m craving for. You take my breath away everytime you touch me, kiss me, hug me…I am the happiest person on the world when we just discuss randome things. You make my heart beat faster. I feel so much adrenalin when we’re thogeter. I was the happiest person when you show me your gentle side. I thougt I would have died when you wrote to me you will marry me one day – i know I didn’t show you any reaction – but that day I blushed so much and almost fainted, my hand shakes and I thought I was dreaming – I never expected this from you. Yes that day you make my day, actually I was in seven haven – but I pretend like nothing happened, just because I wanted to hide what I feel… and all this just because I know I shouldn’t feel the way I was and the way I still do. At the same time I just hate you so much. Why did you show up in my live? You came just like a magic… like a magic that ruined everything I thougt I am. You ruined my inner peace. It’s not like I want to judge you, but I just can’t answer to my own questions …
It’s a pitty that you’re the kind of a person who can not reval your feeling, but I know you can show it. I feel it. I feel how much you care, how much you like me, yet I feel a little love around us…I always knew what you want to hear from me, yet that you’ve been scared to hear that. We both want to know, but we’re also terrified and it’s kind of easier not to tell, reval and so. But we can’t hide it – that’s the problem.
I want you to tell, that I wasn’t blind I felt a few time, how you tried to move our conversation in that direction, and I also felt how you changed your mind….that’s why I never wanted you to show that I know everything.
I don’t know why this is so hard for me to tell you. It’s easier to write….sorry I am really sorry that things are just the way they are. I am so sorry that I am so scared. I know if you died the world wouldn’t have sense to me anymore. I would have always wonedered what would it be if I have been told you up loud. I know that if you died I wouldn’t have mind if everything else would end. I wouldn’t mind if people see me cry, I wouldn’t mind if everyone of them know that I loved you to the stars and on and I whouldn’t mind if evryone knows you meant the world to me, that I dreamed about you and how whould have been living with you. Now as you can see I don’t do anything to make any changes in my life. I just stand here; don’t even know what I am waiting. Why is this so hard and why wouldn’t have been so hard if you died?
I truly love you from the bottom of my heart and I am so sorry for being such a coward.
I wish you all the best,
With love
E_________.
Dear people, who did came to the end with reading. I have never been such a coward…I always did what I feel it was right to do, until now. Despite this situation, I still collect courage to tell him or send him this letter, but I still think I need to gather and tell him.
Dear people please at least you have the courage and apologize or tell the people which are near to you whatever you need to. If you’ll always wait for the right moment then one day you may have felt the power of regret. And I belive that kind of pain is like a living horror. Do not let yourself to learn how the regret feels. Try to live your dreams…
Always tell people how you feel about them. If you tell them, it may break your heart, but by saying nothing you might break theirs. Life is to short to hide your feelings. Don’t be afraid to say what you feel before it’s to late….
Dear my
I don’t really know how to call you, but I think you know what I mean…
That day when I have heard you could have died my heart just stops beathing for a moment. I could not belive what I heard… I repeat this statement for about 100 times in a 5 sec…. something just broke inside me. I thought I would start to cry, but I know it would be inappropriate….
I felt so much sorrow inside of me… and the sorrow is still here…I still can not belive…
I just realized in a bl<x>ink of an eye everything I ever knew, everything I ever have, everything I ever love, everything I am, can pass away. This statement just hit me so much in the heart it hurts….it really hurts.
When I came home I cried… I have a million thoughts in my head …what if, what if….and than I remember so many people who have experience this…People lost their loved one before they can told them what they feel, what they want and before they could apologize them….
Just imagine how terrified it is if you know you have to tell something someone and you just couldn’t, because someone passed away….Well I cried so much, I felt deep sorry for those people who couldn’t tell this to the people they know….at that moment I actually cryed for these people….
Well, when I heard you could have died that day…. In my thought came this quote:
Always tell someone how you feel, because opportunities are lost in the bl<x>ink of an eye but regrets can last for a lifetime.
Yet all I could say was: ‘’you scared me, please be careful, and take care’’. As soon as I said this I was sorry. I had so much more to say but It just didn’t want to came out of my mouth…it was like I lost my voice…besides, I could barely hide how I was shaking.
You just looked at me and said: ‘’everything is going to be ok, I’ll take care don’t worry’’…then you hugged me and gently kissed me… I could barely hold the tears back…
And now I want you to know:
I never told you about my feelings, because I shouldn’t feel the way I do. I never told you, because in this situation now - you and I are forbidden. I never told you, because I think you don’t feel the same and I didn’t want to be pathetic. We were going just fine – so why talk about that.
I want you to know, if you have had passed away I think I would died to…I think that in that moment everything would have changed– nohing would felt right anymore. I woudn’t care for the rest of the world and I would do or gave everything, just to have you back or at least to have a moment to tell you this few things which I should already tell you but I didn’t:
You’re the one who make me weak. You’re the only person that I hate and love at the same time. You’re the person I’m craving for. You take my breath away everytime you touch me, kiss me, hug me…I am the happiest person on the world when we just discuss randome things. You make my heart beat faster. I feel so much adrenalin when we’re thogeter. I was the happiest person when you show me your gentle side. I thougt I would have died when you wrote to me you will marry me one day – i know I didn’t show you any reaction – but that day I blushed so much and almost fainted, my hand shakes and I thought I was dreaming – I never expected this from you. Yes that day you make my day, actually I was in seven haven – but I pretend like nothing happened, just because I wanted to hide what I feel… and all this just because I know I shouldn’t feel the way I was and the way I still do. At the same time I just hate you so much. Why did you show up in my live? You came just like a magic… like a magic that ruined everything I thougt I am. You ruined my inner peace. It’s not like I want to judge you, but I just can’t answer to my own questions …
It’s a pitty that you’re the kind of a person who can not reval your feeling, but I know you can show it. I feel it. I feel how much you care, how much you like me, yet I feel a little love around us…I always knew what you want to hear from me, yet that you’ve been scared to hear that. We both want to know, but we’re also terrified and it’s kind of easier not to tell, reval and so. But we can’t hide it – that’s the problem.
I want you to tell, that I wasn’t blind I felt a few time, how you tried to move our conversation in that direction, and I also felt how you changed your mind….that’s why I never wanted you to show that I know everything.
I don’t know why this is so hard for me to tell you. It’s easier to write….sorry I am really sorry that things are just the way they are. I am so sorry that I am so scared. I know if you died the world wouldn’t have sense to me anymore. I would have always wonedered what would it be if I have been told you up loud. I know that if you died I wouldn’t have mind if everything else would end. I wouldn’t mind if people see me cry, I wouldn’t mind if everyone of them know that I loved you to the stars and on and I whouldn’t mind if evryone knows you meant the world to me, that I dreamed about you and how whould have been living with you. Now as you can see I don’t do anything to make any changes in my life. I just stand here; don’t even know what I am waiting. Why is this so hard and why wouldn’t have been so hard if you died?
I truly love you from the bottom of my heart and I am so sorry for being such a coward.
I wish you all the best,
With love
E_________.
Dear people, who did came to the end with reading. I have never been such a coward…I always did what I feel it was right to do, until now. Despite this situation, I still collect courage to tell him or send him this letter, but I still think I need to gather and tell him.
Dear people please at least you have the courage and apologize or tell the people which are near to you whatever you need to. If you’ll always wait for the right moment then one day you may have felt the power of regret. And I belive that kind of pain is like a living horror. Do not let yourself to learn how the regret feels. Try to live your dreams…
Always tell people how you feel about them. If you tell them, it may break your heart, but by saying nothing you might break theirs. Life is to short to hide your feelings. Don’t be afraid to say what you feel before it’s to late….
31-35, F