I Have Written Letters That I Can Never Send

[[[ I am so sorry. I never wanted to put you in this awkward position. I never planned to have these feelings. All I ever wanted was a friend and you gave me more than I could ever ask for or deserve in one. And I went and tainted it with my feelings. I swear to you it was an accident. I knew I could I get attach but I didn't know I could have feelings this strong. I thought I could just turn it off if I ever did. I've tried so hard to turn it off and so hard to fix myself. I tried my damnedest and couldn't. You didn't do anything or say anything to cause this. It was my fault. I liked you from the beginning and thought it would fade. I underestimated my control. And there was a lot of things I didn't know about myself before I talked to you. I'm sorry that I didn't know before hand. And I'm sorry that I wasn't strong enough to control this. It's not even fair that I'm telling something so heavy and to weigh this upon you when and you have your own issues to deal with, when you're with someone else. To make you have to reject me, take pity and tell me 'there's someone else or there for me', just for some online friend you never met and has no real bearing on your life... it's not fair of me and I feel guilty. And I'm scared to tell you all this because I don't want to lose you as a friend. But telling you this is my last resort to try and fix this. I don't know what else to do. I've tried everything for the past almost 3 years: ignoring it, sleeping, trying to hate you for no reason, physical negative reinforcement, nothing else has worked. I am so sorry. You never asked for this. You have every right to but please don't be mad at me or hate me forever; you are my best friend and your friendship means the world to me. That is all I ask. And if not, just know I'm so very sorry. ]]]