I Im Hurting
Im not sure whats going on with me. I feel after 3 years i should be past sleepless nights and the why me stage. Nights like tonight i find myself lost, hurt and angry. As bad as i wanted i could not get out of bed today. A day full of tears and emotional agony. Without work or bubba as a destraction i foud myself feeling hopless and alone. I found that the hate for life and everything existing i had yesterday just grew. Not all days are this hard but today has been especially challenging for no specific reason.
I laid in bed and pondered how unfair life is. The day i found out i was pregnant was the last day i acknowledged the loss. I did not have time, energy or the mind to believe i was alone. The day i brought bubba into this world i was angry because i was alone and afraid. Today i realized it was not by choice. None the less it hurt. I felt abandoned. The sleepless nights, sick days 2 jobs. They caught up with me. I fear they do not plan to leave anytime soon.
I feel hurt for bubba. his frist smile, words, steps and every big or small accomplishment and goal he concurs he does not have his daddy to encourage and cheer him along. He'll never know a life with his dad or the sound of his laughter. It breaks my heart and leaves me feeling as i let him down. I feel today the weight of all i pushed aside.
I laid in bed and pondered how unfair life is. The day i found out i was pregnant was the last day i acknowledged the loss. I did not have time, energy or the mind to believe i was alone. The day i brought bubba into this world i was angry because i was alone and afraid. Today i realized it was not by choice. None the less it hurt. I felt abandoned. The sleepless nights, sick days 2 jobs. They caught up with me. I fear they do not plan to leave anytime soon.
I feel hurt for bubba. his frist smile, words, steps and every big or small accomplishment and goal he concurs he does not have his daddy to encourage and cheer him along. He'll never know a life with his dad or the sound of his laughter. It breaks my heart and leaves me feeling as i let him down. I feel today the weight of all i pushed aside.
31-35, F
